Year to Year
by NettieC
Summary: A Year in the life of the SVU. This is the final instalment...Elliot's return! Thanks for all the support I'd love to know what you think of the ending...Here it is!
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: I'm new to SVU and this one marks my first writing attempts in about six months. After having a severe case of writer's block and real life getting in the way, I'm finally back to writing I've decided to take a different path with this one. It will be a musical SVU and while we probably won't see our favourite detectives singing their hearts out, each chapter will be inspired by a different song. (A bit like an extended songfic piece).

This story will tell the tales of a Year in the Life of the SVU and that in itself is a different style for me. It won't be going into the deep, dark, world of their policing, they do that well enough on our screens, this is the alternative stuff with many liberties taken.

All feedback is appreciated and, as is the same with all of us, the characters are not mine and neither are the songs, I'm only playing.

**September.**

"You've gotta be frickin' kidding, Cap!" Elliot said, jumping up from his chair.

"Do I look like I'm kidding?"

"This isn't possible. There's no way I'm goin'."

"Hate to break it to you Elliot, but you are."

"It'll mean a monkey suit. I hate monkey suits."

"It won't kill you."

"Oh, come on Cap, is there anyway out of this?"

"Listen, we're all going - me included. Believe me, I'm none to happy about attending this Ball but OnePP made it quite clear that the lack of support by this unit in the past has been duly noted. They also _suggested _the upcoming budget review may be more favourable if we put in an appearance."

"That's blackmail!"

"El, if getting dressed up and going out for a few hours secures us some gains it'll be worth it. Believe me, there are bigger battles for us to fight out there."

Elliot slumped back into his chair, he had never been to a Policeman's Ball in his life and he sure as hell didn't want to go to one now.

The reaction of the rest of the unit was fairly consistent with Elliot's response. No one wanted to go and although they would all put in an appearance it was clear to all they were doing so under duress.

**Astoria Hotel**

Olivia stepped out of the cab and wrapped her shawl around her; Fin came and took her arm.

"Glad you're here, Liv, everyone else is a no show so far. I didn't want to go in by myself."

"In that case, I'm glad you waited for me. I hate going into these places alone."

Olivia and Fin walked in and handed their shawl and jacket to the coat check girl. Fin scanned the welcome board before finding their names.

"Here we are – table 56. Looks like it's located right at the back."

"Good, I'm not really into the social bull which goes on at these things."

The pair moved through the balloon festooned ballroom and found their table. They picked the furthest seats so they could have their backs to the wall.

"You reckon Elliot is gonna show?"  
"He'd better. He said he was just going home and he'd be here."

Fin pulled out Olivia's chair and waited for her to sit down. "Ah, you're such a gentleman, Fin."

"Don't let that get out. I have a rep to uphold."

"Fin, Liv, good to see you here." Don said, shaking Fin's hand before kissing Olivia's cheek. "Sorry I'm late, have you been here long?"

"Yeah man, it was a 7.30 start so that's when we got here," Fin lied. They'd been an hour late themselves.

"Sorry. Had an urgent matter, couldn't get away."

"Must have been contagious because Elliot and John are not here either."

"I'm here," said John, pulling out the seat next to Fin. "I was just surveying the room."

"See anything interesting?" asked Fin.

"Perhaps," John replied, raising an eyebrow and leaving the others to their own interpretation.

The main course was served with the choice of chicken, beef or fish. By the time the waiting staff reached them, Casey and Melinda had arrived. They sat between Olivia and Don, leaving space for Elliot on the_ 'men's side of the table' _as Casey phrased it. The meals arrived, and the speeches started. At first Olivia listened, showing the Mayor, then the Commissioner the respect due, but as the speeches began to ramble, she excused herself and headed to the bathroom. Looking out to the foyer she spied Elliot and moved towards him instead.

"El, what are you doing out here?" She asked.

"Wow, look at you!"

"You like?" Olivia did a quick spin which allowed Elliot to take in the navy blue silk gown. It swirled with her movement.

"I do."

"You don't scrub up to badly yourself," she said, adjusting his bowtie. "So, why are you out here?"

"I got here just as the Commish got up to talk and he hasn't shut up. I didn't want to walk through and interrupt. Could they put us any further back?"

"I think they are trying to make a point."

"God, I hate these things," he said, gesturing towards the ballroom, "and I'm not too fond of this either." He pulled at the lapels of his rented tuxedo.

"Never mind, El, it's for a good cause."

The applause echoing through the foyer indicated the speeches were over and as people began to move to the dance floor, Elliot and Olivia returned to the colleagues.

"Look who I found?" She said as Don approached them.

"I was beginning to think you weren't coming."

"Me not do as I'm told? Never." Elliot laughed.

"I'm just glad you're here. Now, if you will excuse me, I've got some _schmoozing_ to do."

The evening progressed and despite everyone's initial dislike of the event, they found themselves enjoying the all too rare opportunity of each others company. All too frequently their interactions were tarnished with the filth of their work.

After dessert was served, Melinda stood and pushed in her chair. "Well, ladies and gentlemen, I believe we should make a move to the…"

"Exit! Yep, I'm with you," said Fin, jumping up from his chair.

"I'm glad you're so enthusiastic, Detective Tutuola, I was talking about the dance floor."

"Dance floor – oh no man, I ain't dancin'."

"Yes you are." Melinda took his arm and led him to the floor.

"He never could say no to a pretty woman," chuckled John.

"And neither could you," said Casey. "Detective Munch, let's dance."

"Casey, I…"

"Dance, Munch!"

Elliot looked at Olivia across the now empty table. "I guess you wanna dance, too?"

"Me? No thanks."

"Really? You like to dance."

"Yes, I do."

"But you don't want to dance with me, right?"

"No, you don't want to dance with me."

"I never said that. What makes you think I…"

"El, 'I guess you wanna dance' is not exactly an enthusiastic offer."

"Sorry Liv. Olivia, would you please do me the honour of the next dance?"

"That's more like it."

The pair swirled around the dance floor and were surprised by the ease with which their dance moves came. The quicker songs ended and a slower one began. Olivia moved toward the table.

"Had enough?"

"No, I just wasn't sure about a slow dance."

"Why not?"

"Well, we're partners and I don't want others to think we're more than that."

"Stuff the others. Look Munch and Melinda are dancing so are Fin and Casey. Hell, even Cragen's dancing with the Commish's wife. No one's interested in what we're doing." He held his arms out and Olivia slipped into them.

It was a place she had always longed to be. Her reluctance wasn't due to a sense of propriety but to self – preservation. Lately, her feelings towards Elliot had grown stronger and while she could still act professionally on the job, encircled by his arms was another thing.

"You alright, Liv?" Elliot's voice broke into her thinking.

"Yeah, why?" She gazed up at him.

"You're just very quiet."

"I'm fine – just listening to the song. It's one of my favourites."

"'I Love You Forever' I wouldn't have thought you were a Donna Lewis fan."

"There's a lot you don't know about me."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note: I don't know the song itself; I chose it for the lyrics. (edited)

Feels like...  
I'm standing in a timeless dream...  
Of light mists...  
Of pale amber rose

Feels like...  
I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent  
Touching... discovering you...

Those days...  
Of warm rains come rushing back to me  
Miles of windless... summer night air...

Secret moments...  
Shared in the heat of the afternoon  
Out of the stillness...  
Soft spoken words...

I love you always forever  
Near and far closer together  
Everywhere I will be with you  
Everything I do for you

I love you always forever  
Near and far closer together  
Everywhere I will be with you  
Everything I do for you

You've got...  
The most unbelievable blue eyes I've ever seen  
You've got...  
Me almost melting away

As we lay there...  
Under a blue sky with pure white stars...  
Exotic sweetness...  
A magical time

I love you always forever  
Near and far closer together  
Everywhere I will be with you  
Everything I do for you

Say you'll love... love me forever  
Never stop... not for whatever  
Near and far and always  
And everywhere and everything

Say you'll love me... love me forever

I love you always forever...


	2. October

**Author's Notes: The characters and the song's not mine - just entertaining myself. **

**  
**

** Year to Year – October**

The bewitching night of Halloween was still a week away but the crazies seemed to be out walking the streets prematurely and keeping the police department busy. The squad room, dilapidated by years of overuse and years of neglect, felt colder than the air outside due to yet another failure of the archaic heating system.

"Going to that damn Ball didn't make a difference," said John, tightening his jacket around him, before sitting down at his desk. "It's still freezing in here."

"You didn't really expect anythin' to change did you, man?" asked Fin looking up from a stack of paperwork. "Nothin' ever changes, nothin'."

"Some things do," said Don Cragen, as he approached his detectives. "This memo, from the Commissioner, says he wants you two in his office first thing Monday morning to discuss SVU." He dropped the memo in front of Fin.

"Us? Why does he want us?" asked Fin, raising his eyebrows before scanning the official police department memorandum and tossing it to John.

"I think he was impressed by your efforts in the Murchison Case. He asked for you personally," replied Don, although he wasn't too sure himself.

"What does he want though?" Fin asked, knowing where this Commissioner was concerned, there had to be a catch.

"Apparently, the budget meetings are going nowhere. Everyone's got their hand out and the money's finite. He's had enough of all the bull and wants to talk to the cop on the beat," explained Don.

"Yeah, but again I ask, why us?" Fin continued. "I mean Stabler and Benson make a better poster pair for SVU."

"Stabler's tied up in court and Benson's not in the Commissioner's good books since she booked his nephew last month. Just go, represent us well and …" started Don.

"Oh we'll be the very models of SVU detectives," smirked John.

"That's what I'm afraid of."

Halloween arrived and a little after noon Olivia reached to answer the ringing phone on her desk.

"SVU, Detective Ben…" she began.

"Liv, it's me." She smiled automatically when she recognised the voice.

"How's the case, El? Any end in sight?" she asked, fiddling with the cord.

"Yeah, should wrap up today."

"Good, I'm sick of being tied to this desk with paperwork while you're 'indisposed'."

"Yeah, sorry. Look, are you home tonight?" Elliot asked.

"Ah, yeah. Why? Want to do some Trick or Treating?" Olivia smiled again.

"Nah, just need to run something by you. I'll pick up some take out and be there about eight. Is that okay?"

Olivia couldn't read his tone. "Yeah, sure. Do you want to give me a hint?"

"Gotta go, they're calling us in."

Olivia replaced the receiver and looked across her desk to Elliot's vacant one, wondering about their conversation. They had spent next to no time together since the Ball last month as Elliot was caught up testifying and supporting the family in the Robinson Case and she had been working through reams of paperwork. It was a task she never enjoyed and this time she found it incredibly frustrating because her thoughts kept drifting off task and onto Elliot.

"Liv?" Came a voice from nowhere.

"Sorry, John, what did you say?" Olivia was brought out of her wonderings and back to her desk.

"I said hello.'

Oh, hello. How did it go at OnePP?"

"Who knows? We spoke our mind, he did his political dancing and we left." John returned to his desk, flicking through the phone messages. "Nothing urgent here," he mumbled to himself.

"We'll either get a budget increase or closed down." Fin added, with a scowl. "It's all bull if you ask me. Our record can stand on its own merits. We get good results with limited resources, and we told him that."

"When do we find out?" asked Olivia, hoping the former would be the result.

"We just did." Cragen came over to the trio, his mood difficult to read. "I don't know what the hell you did in there this morning but the Commissioner just phoned…"

Fin and John looked at each other, they had gone in with the best of intentions but when the Commissioner seemed to challenge their integrity, they set him straight in colourful and explicit detail.

"And?" they asked in unison.

"An increase in manpower across all shifts, an increase in our running budget and a $450,000 upgrade of the precinct."

"Shit!" mumbled Fin.

"My thought exactly," replied Don, a smile finally appearing. "I think I'll send you in for all future negotiations."

Olivia's Halloween mix CD was playing and she was singing along to her all time favourite song, 'The Monster Mash', at the top of her voice, when Elliot knocked.

"Sorry, I'm late, Liv. I hope your not starving," he asked, moving past her with two bags of food.

"It's alright, El, I've had plenty of candy to see me through." Olivia showed him the half empty bowl on her bench.

"So, it's a candy-high which created _that _racket." Elliot asked with an equal measure of humour and sarcasm.

Olivia poked out her tongue then took two blue patterned plates from the counter and placed them on the coffee table. She grabbed two glasses and opened the fridge.

"Beer, wine, water, soda?"

"Soda's fine, thanks."

She retrieved two cans of Pepsi and went to the sofa. "So, what's on the menu?"

"Chinese, there are four different choices. I hope you'll find something you like."

Olivia looked up at him and was surprised to see him still standing. He looked uneasy. "I'm sure it'll be great. Are you going to sit down, El?"

"Oh yeah." He sat on the armchair and reached for his drink, spilling a small amount on the table. "Oh shit, sorry Liv."

"It's okay." She dabbed it with a paper napkin and the mess was gone.

"What's up, Elliot?" She asked, putting down her plate.

"Nothing." His reply was confident but he wouldn't meet Olivia's gaze.

"What's wrong? You're not yourself."

"I'm fine." He finally looked at her. "Look, eat up before it gets cold."

Olivia filled her plate but Elliot seemed reticent. "Are you eating?"

"Yeah, yeah." He scooped out a few spoonfuls of chow mien and moved back in the chair.

After dinner was finished, the plates cleared and the door opened to several more Halloween revelers, Olivia turned off the kitchen light. The apartment was now dark, except for a few soft orange glows being emitted from electric jack-o-lanterns. The music from the stereo was low, adding to a happy Halloween feel. Olivia sat back down on the sofa and watched Elliot, silhouetted in the darkness, staring out the window.

"What's so fascinating, El?" she asked, moving to him.

"Not a lot." He turned around, surprised to find her so close.

"What did you want to run past me?" She touched his arm.

"My future." He dropped his head and she couldn't read his face.

Olivia gently took his hand and led him to the sofa, they both sat and she turned to look at him. "What about your future?"

Elliot continued to stare at their interlocked hands. "I'm thinking of putting in for leave."

"Leave? For how long?" She lowered her head, trying to establish eye contact.

"For as long as I have to." Slowly, he raised his head and she swore she saw fear in his clear blue eyes.

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Author's Notes: Sing along, I know you want to.

Monster Mash

_I was working in the lab late one night  
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight  
For my monster from his slab began to rise  
And suddenly to my surprise_

_He did the mash  
He did the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It was a graveyard smash  
He did the mash  
It caught on in a flash  
He did the mash  
He did the monster mash_

_From my laboratory in the castle east  
To the master bedroom where the vampires feast  
The ghouls all came from their humble abodes  
To catch a jolt from my electrodes _

_They did the mash  
They did the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It was a graveyard smash  
They did the mash  
It caught on in a flash  
They did the mash  
They did the monster mash_

_The zombies were having fun  
The party had just begun  
The guests included Wolf Man  
Dracula and his son_

_The scene was rockin', all were digging the sounds  
Eegore on chains, backed by his baying hounds  
The coffin-bangers were about to arrive  
With their vocal group, "The Crypt-Kicker Five" _

_They played the mash  
They played the monster mash  
The monster mash  
And it was a graveyard smash  
They played the mash  
Its caught on in a flash  
They played the mash  
They played the monster mash_

_Out from his coffin, Drac's voice did ring  
Seems he was troubled by just one thing  
He opened the lid and shook his fist  
And said, "Whatever happened to my Transylvania twist?"_

_It's now the mash  
It's now the monster mash  
The monster mash  
It's now a graveyard smash  
It's now the mash  
It's caught on in a flash  
It's now the mash  
It's now the monster mash_

_Now everything's cool, Drac's a part of the band  
And my monster mash is the hit of the land  
For you, the living, this mash was meant too  
When you get to my door, tell them Boris sent you_

_Then you can mash  
Then you can monster mash  
The monster mash  
And do my graveyard smash  
Then you can mash  
You'll catch on in a flash  
Then you can mash  
Then you can monster mash_


	3. November

**Author's notes: It's November and Elliot's nowhere to be found. Olivia's in for a rude surprise when Don calls her into his office. **

November

Winter had hit New York with an icy blast and the gloom outside matched Olivia's mood. It had been two weeks since Halloween and two weeks since she had seen Elliot. Despite saying he was only thinking of taking leave, he hadn't turned up at work on the Tuesday and Don had announced he was on three weeks recreation leave.

Olivia spent countless hours trying to contact him but it had been to no avail. She had phoned his home, his cell, she had even phoned Kathy but no one ever answered. Last Saturday night she had called around to see Kathy and the kids, hoping Elliot was with them, but the house was dark and empty. A friendly neighbour told her they were off on vacation, but he was sure Elliot was with them. For all her investigative skills it was November 14th and she still had no answers.

She was lost yet again in her thoughts. Delightful images from the ball mingled with confusion from her search and a feeling of loss and loneliness. She stared at his vacant chair, hoping against hope Elliot would materialise out of thin air and this whole episode could be put behind them.

"Olivia, with me," called Don as he walked to his office, bringing her back to the present. Olivia put down the pen, which had been twirling in her fingers for the past ten minutes, and followed her boss.

"Yes, Cap," she said, as he closed the door behind her.

"Liv, take a seat." He pulled out a chair and leaned on the desk in front of her. His voice was calm but something in the way he spoke unnerved her.

"What's up?" She asked nervously, her fingers tapping softly on the arm of the chair.

"Now, Liv, I know we were expecting Elliot back next week…" Don began

"Yes, he took three weeks leave and …" Olivia tried to sound hopeful.

"I've spoken to him," Don interrupted "and he won't be back."

"Not back next week or not back at all?" Olivia stood and was face to face with her boss.

"His return has been delayed until further notice," replied Don, in a more formal tone, moving across his office.

"And just what does that mean?" Olivia demanded, following him.

"It means he's not back and I have a new partner for you."

"Hang on a minute, Cap. You can't just drop that bombshell and expect me to move on. Is he alright? Is he on leave? What's happening with him?" Olivia's head was spinning, she had come into this office concerned her partner was unreachable, now she was panicked.

"I'm not in a position to answer, Olivia."

"Just tell me he's alright." Olivia begged.

Don looked long and hard at his detective. He wouldn't lie to her and he couldn't tell her the truth. Finally he said, "I can't answer that either.'

As Olivia slumped back into her chair the office door opened and his replacement walked in.

"Olivia Benson, Detective Stefan Jorgesen, you'll be partners for the foreseeable future." There was a cool detachment in his voice.

Olivia stood and shook Stefan's hand, the first thing which struck her was how incredibly handsome and Nordic he looked. Taller than her by a head, he had crystal blue eyes, a fair complexion and wavy blonde hair.

"Welcome Stefan," she heard herself say, still overwhelmed by the events that were taking place.

"Why, thank you ma'am," he said, with a slight nod of his head. His southern drawl quite unexpected.

"Now, Stefan, is to go to personnel and finish the paperwork. Olivia, you can give him the low down on the unit over lunch."

"Yes, sir," Stefan replied, nodding towards Olivia as he departed.

"Are you alright, Liv?" asked Don, as the door was shut.

"Yeah," she continued to look at the door. "Just wasn't expecting the accent."

Don laughed, it had surprised him too when he met the man yesterday "Look, Liv, I know this is a bit of a surprise…"

"A bit? Can't you tell me anything about Elliot?"

"No."

"Anything at all?"

Don looked at his detective, the concern in her eyes was evident and had the circumstances been any different he would have confided in her, unfortunately this time it was out of his hands.

"All I can say," he admitted, "is Elliot got himself into something and he needs time to get out of it."

"Is he alright though? I tried to speak to Kathy last week and she and the kids have disappeared too…" Olivia stopped herself. "Is he working with the Feds? Is that it? Witness protection, something like that?" She paused and when Don said nothing she continued, "You can tell me, Cap, I won't say anything."

"Olivia, there is nothing left to discuss. Dismissed."

Lunch for the new partners was at the Garden Café, a block from the precinct. They took a minute to make their decisions and a few moments later their orders were taken. With the dining formalities out of the way, Olivia sat back in her chair and studied the man before her.

"Somethin' wrong, ma'am" Stefan's voice interrupted her contemplations.

"No, no…" She wanted to scream 'yes' there was something definitely wrong with her having lunch with her partner and it not being Elliot. "No," she repeated again.

"Well, that's good because I thought maybe I had somethin' on my face," he smiled, trying some humour to break the tension.

The conversation took on a more formal note as Olivia explained the ins and outs of the unit. She answered all questions posed but when the waitress had cleared their plates, he asked her one she knew would be coming but didn't want to answer.

"So, how did we get to be partners, ma'am?" He swirled his coffee.

"The captain requested you and personnel assigned you." Obvious answer for an easy question.

"Well, ma'am…"

"And you can stop that ma'am stuff too. The name's Olivia…use it." She sounded harsher than she had intended too.

"Sorry, m…Olivia, my momma always expected it." He said, looking chastised.

"Well, I'm not your mother. How old are you anyway?"

"Thirty…next fall."

Olivia shook her head, not only did she have a new partner, he was a rookie. Things weren't going to get easier.

A few weeks into the new partnership, Olivia was struggling with Stefan. He was competent, courteous and creative. Full of good old Southern charm, he was an asset to the squad and, had things been different, Olivia would have enjoyed having him around.

"Olivia…" She jumped. "Didn't mean to startle you. We're done on this one, time to call it a day." Stefan closed the file and looked across the desks to his tired looking partner.

"Yeah, I think you're right, Stefan. How does it feel to solve your first SVU case?" She asked, stifling a yawn.

"Pretty good, nothing I thought it would be like but glad to close the door on it."

Olivia smiled. Her first case remained unsolved, something she still regretted.

"How about you buy me a drink to celebrate?" he asked.

_No _was her first thought but "Yes," came out.

Over drinks, Stefan came back to the question from their first lunch together, one she had continually avoided.

"So, Olivia, what happened to your last partner?" He asked casually as he studied her face.

"Why?"

"I'd just like to know the standard I'm being measured against." He saw the wave of emotion flow over her. "Sorry, I just mean…"

"No, I'm sorry, Stefan." Olivia put down her glass. "My last partner, Elliot, is on leave at the moment."

"What sort of leave?"

"Does it matter? He's not here, you are and that's all important. Isn't it?" There was a cold edge to her voice Stefan hadn't heard before. He didn't want to upset her but he was curious.

"Why'd he take leave?"

Olivia sighed, that was the $64,000 question. "Look, enough about Elliot, okay? He doesn't exist anymore, let's leave it that way."

Later that night, Olivia awoke unsettled. She had been dreaming of Elliot, which was nothing new. This dream was similar to others she had had lately. They were dancing on the roof of the precinct, dressed in the same apparel as the ball. The stars were shining on a black velvet sky and a cool breeze caressed their faces. She could see the passion in his eyes, feel the warmth of his breath on her face and feel the strength of his body as he held her tightly. Olivia raised her head and tenderly brushed her lips against his. Then everything went haywire.

His lips turned icy cold and as Olivia opened her eyes he crumbled in front of her. She called and called his name but there was never an answer. An icy wind gusted over the rooftop and all traces of him were blown into the darkened atmosphere. Each dream differed slightly but the result was always the same; Olivia alone calling his name and Elliot gone beyond help.

She turned on the bedside lamp and her radio. Don Henley sang out and the lyrics hit home. She turned it off and, scared for Elliot, bewildered by her own dreams and lonely without him, cried herself to sleep.

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**My Thanksgiving Lyrics**  
Artist(Band):**Don Henley**

A lot of things have happened  
Since the last time we spoke  
Some of them are funny  
Some of 'em ain't no joke  
And I trust you will forgive me  
If I lay it on the line  
I always thought you were a friend of mine

Sometimes I think about you  
I wonder how you're doing now  
And what you're going through

The last time I saw you  
We were playing with fire  
We were loaded with passion  
And a burning desire  
For every breath, for every day of living  
And this is my Thanksgiving

Now the trouble with you and me, my friend  
Is the trouble with this nation  
Too many blessings, too little appreciation  
And I know that kind of notion—well, it just ain't cool  
So send me back to Sunday school  
Because I'm tired of waiting for reason to arrive  
It's too long we've been living  
These unexamined lives

I've got great expectations  
I've got family and friends  
I've got satisfying work  
I've got a back that bends  
For every breath, for every day of living  
This is my Thanksgiving

Have you noticed that an angry man  
Can only get so far  
Until he reconciles the way he thinks things ought to be  
With the way things are

Here in this fragmented world, I still believe  
In learning how to give love, and how to receive it  
And I would not be among those who abuse this privilege  
Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge

And I don't mind saying that I still love it all  
I wallowed in the springtime  
Now I'm welcoming the fall  
For every moment of joy  
Every hour of fear  
For every winding road that brought me here  
For every breath, for every day of living  
This is my Thanksgiving

For everyone who helped me start  
And for everything that broke my heart  
For every breath, for every day of living  
This is my Thanksgiving


	4. December

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball**

**October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave**

**November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.**

**December**

The 16th Precinct had been inundated with crimes of all sorts since Thanksgiving. Rape, domestic violence, kidnap and random assault cases were scrawled all over the job board and as a result, the festive season had come in practically unnoticed, save for a few old chains of tinsel strung up by a well-meaning, young patrolman.

With no time for anything but work, Olivia was happy. It gave her little time to think about Elliot and his extended absence. Although there were still the early hours where she would awake suddenly and images of Elliot would flash through her mind. This morning was no different and by late afternoon she was exhausted.

Slumping down onto the floor in the change room she leaned against the cold wall and stared intently at Elliot's locker. The silver sheen entranced her and she stared harder and harder, hoping her determination alone was enough to make him materialise.

"Staring won't help," Casey said, sitting on the floor beside her. "He's not in there."

"I know Case, I just…I just want to know he's okay."

"I'm sure he is. Our Detective Stabler can take care of himself, you know." She patted Olivia's arm.

"I'm not so sure," Olivia said quietly. "It's two days before Christmas and he hasn't even contacted his kids."

"How do you know that?" asked Casey, her eyes widening. "Who have you been talking to?"

"Maureen rang last night and …"

"I thought they were away," Casey interrupted.

"Away? No. The moved to Florida to be near Kathy's parents," Olivia reported.

"When did all this happen?"

"The week Elliot went MIA."

"Why did Maureen ring?" Casey asked cautiously.

"Because she misses her dad, they all do. She was after some answers and I couldn't give her any." Silent tears spilt over and ran down Olivia's cheeks.

"Oh Liv," Casey soothed, wrapping her arms around her friend and resting her head on Olivia's. "It will be alright."

They sat there a few moments before they were interrupted by Stefan.

"Ah, ladies…" he began enthusiastically before taking in the sight fully. "Oh, I'm sorry…I didn't…"

"No, no, it's okay Stefan, just a dose of Christmas blues." Olivia stood and held a hand out to Casey. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, it's actually what I can do for you…for you both," Stefan said.

"And what's that?" asked Casey, a smile coming to her lips.

"The day after tomorrow is Christmas Day and I am cooking a good ol' fashioned Mississippi Christmas dinner for Fin and John. We thought some beautiful female company wouldn't go astray." He took a breath. "So, what do you say to lunch at my place about one?"

"Thanks Stefan, that's a generous offer," Olivia began, "but…"

"We'll be there," interrupted Casey. "Won't we Liv?"

"Well, Case, I was …"

"Going to sit home alone, right? We won't allow it. I'll pick you up at noon."

"I guess we're coming then," Olivia said to Stefan. "Can we bring anything?"

"Yourselves and your appetites."

**hohohohohohohohohohohoho**

Christmas Day dawned cold and stormy. Snow lay in the streets and although there was a white icing over the city, Olivia still couldn't get into the Christmas spirit. She stared out her bedroom window and looked at the Christmas tree on the street corner. It was beautiful in its own right but it looked lost and lonely on a deserted city street. It was Casey's knock which brought her out of her daze.

Before long they were at Stefan's apartment. His dining table was covered with platters, bowls and serving dishes of all shapes and sizes. A big tree stood half decorated in the corner and a few decorations were scattered around an otherwise sparse apartment.

"Hmmm, smells delicious," Casey said, as Stefan opened the door.

"Ah, ladies, welcome." He ushered them in before taking their jackets and scarves. "Merry Christmas," he added, kissing both on the cheek.

"Wow! A man who can cook!" said Casey, making her way to the table.

"All done the way my momma taught me." He winked at Casey and Olivia realised there was something more at play here than Christmas cheer.

A loud knock disrupted her thoughts and she opened the door. Fin and John entered, dusting off light snow which had just begun to fall. Greetings were exchanged and Olivia sat down on the sofa between Fin and John. The conversation was light and lively as Stefan put together the final touches to lunch in the kitchen and Casey brought them their drinks.

"Hey guys," Fin whispered, when Casey returned to the kitchen. "You think there's somethin' happenin' with those two?"

"What makes you ask?" asked Olivia.

"Just a feelin' I get."

"I don't get it," said John.

"I do," admitted Olivia.

"I thought I was the one into conspiracies," whispered John.

"You are!" Fin and Olivia replied in unison and they all laughed.

"What's so funny?" asked Casey coming in.

"Nothing!" They answered in unison, giving themselves away instantly.

"Nothing?" Casey repeated. "Oh, I see."

"Ladies and gentlemen, lunch is served," said Stefan, coming in behind Casey. "Come and take a seat."

Lunch was a delicious success and despite Olivia's best efforts to help Stefan clean up, he wouldn't hear of it. "My kitchen, my mess. Now shoo." He ushered her back into the living room where Fin was pouring another round of drinks.

When the day began to draw to a close, Fin stood. "I guess it's time to hit the road."

"True, there's work tomorrow for all of us," said Olivia getting to her feet.

Casey looked from Olivia to Stefan and back, she wasn't keen on leaving so soon.  
"I'll drop you home, Liv," said Fin.

"No, no, it's alright," said Casey, standing up.

"No Case, I'll go with Fin…besides you wanted to get those_ recipes_, right?" said Olivia.

After final exchanges were made, Olivia kissed Stefan on the cheek. "Thanks Stefan, it was a wonderful day." Stefan smiled broadly. Finally after nearly two months with Olivia he felt he had done something right. Then Olivia leaned in and kissed Casey's cheek. "Don't tire my partner out too much," she whispered. "We do need to work tomorrow."

Casey blushed bright pink. "How…" she spluttered.

"We're detectives, you know, besides if you've never been here before how did you know exactly where the special candles were kept?"

Fin dropped John off first and then walked Olivia up to her apartment.

"Want to come in for a drink?" She asked, not quite ready to be on her own.

Fin looked at his watch, he had places he was supposed to be two hours ago but he nodded anyway. He knew the only thing Olivia wanted was Elliot, or at least information about him, and as he couldn't help her with either a drink was the next best thing.

After a whiskey and a coffee chaser, Fin left and Olivia turned on the radio. She picked up the photo of herself and Elliot and held it to her chest. She wandered to her bedroom window and stared out at the forlorn Christmas tree. Tears began streaming down her cheeks. She may have spent the day with friends but at this moment in time she had never felt so lonely and empty

I watch the snow flakes fall  
Against my window pane  
And wonder if you  
Are watching snow flakes too

I take a walk downtown  
To where you used to meet me  
There's joy everywhere  
But all that's waiting there

Is just a little Christmas tree  
Lookin' sorta sad n lonely just like me  
No one seems to care  
They just went away  
And left it standing there  
All alone on Christmas Eve

I hear the Christmas bell  
The happy people singing  
The songs of good cheer  
That only brings me tears

I sadly close my eyes  
And say a little prayer  
You'll be waiting there for me  
I look but all I see

Is just a little Christmas tree  
Lookin' sorta sad n lonely just like me  
No one seems to care  
They just went away and left it standing there  
All alone on Christmas eve

This is the season of love  
But I'm as sad as I can be  
Why did you have to leave me

Oh little Christmas tree  
Lookin' sorta sad n lonely just like me  
No one seems to care  
They just went away  
And left it standing there  
All alone on Christmas Eve


	5. January

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.**

Thanks for the reviews, I appreciate your support.

**January**

**"Happy New Year"**

_No more champagne  
And the fireworks are through  
Here we are, me and you  
Feeling lost and feeling blue  
It's the end of the party  
And the morning seems so grey  
So unlike yesterday  
Now's the time for us to say..._

_Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have a vision now and then  
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend  
Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have our hopes, our will to try  
If we don't we might as well lay down and die  
You and I_

_Sometimes I see  
How the brave new world arrives  
And I see how it thrives  
In the ashes of our lives  
Oh yes, man is a fool  
And he thinks he'll be okay  
Dragging on, feet of clay  
Never knowing he's astray  
Keeps on going anyway..._

_Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have a vision now and then  
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend  
Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have our hopes, our will to try  
If we don't we might as well lay down and die  
You and I_

_Seems to me now  
That the dreams we had before  
Are all dead, nothing more  
Than confetti on the floor  
It's the end of a decade  
In another ten years time  
Who can say what we'll find  
What lies waiting down the line  
In the end of eighty-nine..._

_Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have a vision now and then  
Of a world where every neighbour is a friend  
Happy new year  
Happy new year  
May we all have our hopes, our will to try  
If we don't we might as well lay down and die  
You and I_

Olivia stood in Cragen's crowded office, the lyrics of Abba's old song running through her head. Despite all her hopes, a New Year had dawned and she was no closer to finding the truth about Elliot. She looked around the room at the tired faces of her colleagues, no one impressed by the early morning call in.

The phone rang and Don pounced on it before it could give its full ring. "Cragen," he growled. "Yeah, yeah? All of them? Bastard!" He slammed down the receiver.

"Not good news?" Stefan asked the obvious.

"Bloody brilliant news, son!" Don replied vehemently. "That's why I have you all standing in my goddamned office at 2:00 am on the first of bloody January!"

"Sorry, sir." Stefan dropped his head, the last of his festive spirit gone.

"That call was from dispatch. They've retrieved three bodies from the Hudson, all girls, ages four, seven and twelve…"

"Sisters?" asked Fin.

"Most likely. No ID as yet but we had a call just after midnight about three missing sisters." Don reported.

"Were they assaulted?" asked Olivia.

"Looks like it. Two were naked; the youngest still had her nightie on." Don scanned the faces of his detectives, letting his eyes rest on Olivia. "It gets worse…"

"How?" she asked.

'Each girl had a rose carved…"

'That bastard!" Olivia screamed.

George Alfred Roseberry had abducted, raped and murdered at least nine young girls, the last five years previously. He had branded each with his rose signature. Except for Stefan, they all knew this man. They had his fingerprints, they had his DNA, and they had him on surveillance tape. And in a gross miscarriage of justice, created by a brand new acting ADA four years ago, who was more interested in his own aspirations than justice, Roseberry walked.  
"We're gonna get him this time and he'll get his," Fin muttered.

No matter which avenue their investigation took, roadblocks continued to appear in the Roseberry case. Every aspect of the girls deaths were the same, down to the immaculately carved rose on their left hips. The only difference this time was the victims were siblings and it was carried out on the same night, the others were individual and unrelated.

The girls had been identified as Robin, Regina and Rachel Dalton who had been in the care of Karen Upton, their teenage babysitter whilst their parents were seeing in the New Year in a downtown restaurant. When Mark and Kelly Dalton returned, their apartment was empty and a trail of blood was all that remained.

Eventually Karen was found drugged and half naked, bringing the New Year in with a bang in the back of her boyfriend, Karl Ridgeway's van. Her statement said, he turned up and they had a few drinks. They started making out and to avoid waking the girls, she suggested they go out to his van. Her next clear recollection was John Munch opening up the van and dragging her out.

The end of January rolled into sight and they were no closer to a resolution.  
"I think it was the boyfriend," Stefan announced, looking up at Olivia from his desk.

"Karen Upton's boyfriend? Doesn't fit," Olivia replied, looking across.

"Go with me, Olivia. Karen was drugged by Ridgeway, she passed out, he did the girls, dumped them in the river – it's only two blocks away, went back, she came 'round and they were messing about when John and Fin got there." Stefan smiled, confident in his summary.

"Doesn't explain the rose. Everything screams Roseberry," Olivia declared.

"Except you haven't been able to find a trace of him," Stefan retorted.

"Then _we_ haven't been looking hard enough." Olivia said.

"Speak for yourself," he muttered.

Olivia stormed off; no newbie partner was going to dictate this case. Whilst on the whole things were going well in their fledgling partnership, there were moments she resented him; resented his immaturity, his lack of experience and some days she just resented him because he was not Elliot.

"How about you give him a break, Liv?" asked Casey, sitting opposite her in the bar. "He's trying…"

"Yeah I know,' conceded Olivia. "It's just sometimes he's so…so…"

"So not Elliot?" Casey finished the sentence.

Olivia nodded sadly.

"Well, Liv, yelling at him is not going to change that."

"I know."

"And you never know…maybe he's onto something," Casey said. Olivia arched her eyebrow._ Great_, she thought, _now I'm being double teamed. _ Casey smiled and continued, "I'm not just saying it because I sleep with the guy but…" She paused.

"But… go on…" Olivia prompted.

"Did he tell you Karl Ridgeway's mother's maiden name is Roseberry?"

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

Stefan woke as a loud pounding echoed through his apartment.

"Olivia, what the …" he began as he opened the door.

Without greeting, Olivia shoved him, her two hands making firm contact with his broad shoulders. "How the hell does the ADA know the link between Ridgeway and Roseberry before your partner?" she screamed.

"I…I…" he spluttered.

"You what?"

"I found out after you left. Casey called and I mentioned it to her. She met you. I didn't have time…"

"You've had two hours to pick up the goddamned phone."

"I wasn't sure you were talking to me…"

"For God sake, Stefan, you're twenty nine not nine; I'm your partner, not your best friend. We communicate regardless." She shoved him again, more to reinforce the point than through anger.

Stefan watched his partner as she breathed deeply then departed. For the hundredth time in their short partnership he was left wondering what sort of man Elliot was and how he had lasted eight years with her.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

When the detectives massed on the sidewalk at Ridgeway's apartment building, Don started issuing orders. "Benson, Jorgensen, front door. Tutuola, Munch, take the fire escape. They'll be uniforms all over this place, nobody shoots," he looked at each detective, knowing one clean shot could ensure justice.

Don was busy on the street below when three shots rang out from two floors above. His fleeting thoughts as he climbed the stairs were he hoped the perp was dead. To his horror he saw two unformed cops dragging Ridgeway away in cuffs.

"Get a bus!" He heard Fin yell from within the apartment.

"Make it two," John called out. "He's alive, just."

Don scanned Stefan; two bullets had ripped holes through his body, one through his neck, the other his thigh. He turned back to Olivia, blood was gushing from an open head wound despite Fin's best efforts to stem the flow.

"What happened?" His voice hid his feeling of terror.

"Through and through in the belly but she's knocked a hole in her head off the coffee table."


	6. February

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

Some spacing problems - sorry!

**February**

**"February Song"**

Where has that old friend gone  
Lost in a February song  
Tell him it won't be long  
Til he opens his eyes, opens his eyes  
Where is that simple day  
Before colors broke into shades  
And how did I ever fade  
Into this life, into this life

And I never want to let you down  
Forgive me if I slip away  
When all that I've known is lost and found  
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up  
And sometimes it's more than just enough  
When all that you need to love  
Is in front of your eyes  
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down  
Forgive me if I slip away  
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground  
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away  
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down  
Forgive me if I slip away  
When all that I've known is lost and found  
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone  
Lost in a February song  
Tell him it won't be long  
Til he opens his eyes  
Opens his eyes

The first thing Olivia became aware of was the noise. A faint, distant humming she couldn't quite place. Amongst the swirling mess inside her head she tried to concentrate; there was clatter and a clinking, rubber wheels moving on a well polished floor. She struggled to open her eyes, the sunlight proving too painful after four days of darkness.

"Hey, welcome back, Liv." She heard her Captain's voice but she couldn't see him. She tried to move and winced in pain. "Hey, hey, don't move." His hand was on her forehead, his face just above hers.

"Capt?" she whispered.

"Yeah, Liv, it's me." He gently kissed her cheek.

"What happened?" she croaked.

"What do you remember?" he asked, sitting on the bed. She closed her eyes again. _What do I remember? What do I remember?_

"Um, building…Ridgeway…gun…," she whispered, her eyes still closed. "Stefan!" she shouted, eyes popping open. "God, Stefan, is he okay?" She struggled to get out of bed but Don held her down with little effort.

"Liv, Liv, he's doing fine." Don soothed. "Honestly, he's okay. Casey's with him."

"He got shot," said Olivia, tears filling her eyes.

"Yeah, twice. He's had surgery, spent some time in ICU and the doctors expect a full recovery."

Olivia slumped back into her pillow, closed her eyes and sighed deeply. After a few moments she opened them again. "Me?" she asked weakly.

"You, Detective Benson, are going to be fine too. You've had a severe concussion which put you out for a few days and you had a hole in your belly." Don reported, relieved she was finally awake. It had been the longest four days of his life.

Olivia reached under the sheet and felt the bandages on her side "Ow," she muttered.

"It's a through and through," Don explained. "It did nick the bowel so there were some complications from infection but the surgeon assures me you'll be as good as new."

Olivia nodded and drifted off to a comforting darkness.

"Hey Liv," came a voice into her dream. "Liv?"

"Capt?"

"No, it's me, Casey." Olivia opened her eyes as Casey sat beside her.

"Oh Case, how's Stefan?" she asked, grabbing at her friend's hand.

"Getting better. He's been asking about you. The doctor said he may be able to come visit tomorrow."

"Good," Olivia sighed.

"So how are you feeling, Liv?" she asked as she smoothed Olivia's hair.

"Like crap."

"I bet! Is there anything I can get you?"

Olivia's eyes welled up; at this point the only thing she wanted was Elliot. Casey read her mind. "And what would you say to him if he was here?"

"Where the hell have you been?" Olivia mumbled and Casey smiled.

"Where the hell have you been?" Olivia repeated, a little louder.

"Well, that's a fine welcome." Olivia opened her eyes and struggled to focus in her darkened room. "I would have expected a 'hello' at least."

"Elliot?" Olivia asked, reaching out to the man sitting on her bed.

"Yeah, Liv, it's me." His hand came up and caressed her face before turning on the bedside light. Olivia squinted, the sudden light stinging her eyes. "Sorry, I'll turn it off."

"No, leave it, I want to see you." Olivia raised her hand and touched his cheek, her finger trailed across his lips as she stared intently at him.

"I'm real, Liv," he whispered.

She stretched out her hand and slapped him hard, he recoiled, moving off the bed.

"What was that for?" Elliot asked, rubbing his cheek.

"On October 31 you tell me you are thinking of taking leave and now it's January…" Olivia began, her frustration boiling over.

"February 3rd, actually."

"Three months, Elliot, you've been gone three months. No phone call, no news, nothing! Where have you been?' Tears threatened to spill over.

Elliot took both Olivia's hands in his, for his own safety and because he just needed to touch her, and sat down again. He looked long and hard at her. "Liv... I can't tell you."

"Why not? I can help you. I can…" She wriggled a hand free and clasped his arm.

"No, it's better this way…believe me…" He reached up, his fingers tracing her cheek.

Olivia gazed into his eyes, some of the fear from Halloween had gone and there was something else there – she just couldn't name it. At this moment she hated him for leaving her, for not trusting her, for not letting her help him but as much as she hated him, she wanted nothing more than Elliot to lay beside her and hold her, forever.

Elliot went to stand and she pulled him back. "Don't go, please, not yet," she said quietly.

"Liv, I can't stay, it's not safe." His heart twisting at the thought of leaving her again.

"Then just stay 'til I go to sleep." She opened her arms and he couldn't resist. Since the Ball in September her arms were the only place he wanted to be.

He slipped into the narrow hospital bed and wrapped his strong arms around her. In the darkness, Olivia pressing for information and Elliot kept refusing. He couldn't protect her from Ridgeway but he sure as hell wasn't going to put her life in any more danger.

"So, why did you come back?" she finally asked, conceding she was not getting any other information on his whereabouts.

"Because I had to see you ," he whispered, brushing his lips against her hair. "To make sure you were really okay,"

"How did you know?" She asked groggily, her brain beginning to swirl.

"I still have contacts."

"Are you staying?" Olivia asked again. She would have begged him to stay if she had the strength and she thought it would achieve anything.

"Liv, I can't. I've told you that. Not until this is sorted." Elliot's voice was calm and low, not betraying his true feelings.

"What's sorted? What's so important you've given up everything?" she questioned, struggling to remain alert.

"I can't say but here…" He pressed a flat metallic object into her palm.

"What is it?" She asked trying to look at it. Elliot closed her hand and kissed it.

"It's for the morning. When you see it you'll know I was really here and it wasn't a dream." He placed a gentle kiss on her forehead and held her tighter.

"I want you to stay, Elliot," she murmured. "Please."

"I want to stay too but…" Olivia drifted off, darkness enveloping her again.

"If you only knew just how much I love you, Olivia," he whispered, gently kissing her lips.

"I love you," Olivia murmured.

"Don't say that too loudly or John'll be jealous," Fin said, kissing her cheek.

"Fin?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh." She shook her head, trying to get clarity.

"Disappointed?" Fin asked, feigning hurt.

"Yeah, she is. She was expecting me." John moved in and patted her shoulder gently. "How are you feeling this morning, Liv?" he asked.

"Um…" she looked from one to the other. "I'm okay…I think."

"You don't sound too sure?" said Fin.

Olivia looked into her palm and saw Elliot's dog tag, she squeezed it tight. "No, I'm good. Really good." She smiled broadly.

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

It was late February before Olivia and Stefan reported in for work and, to their disgust, were put on desk duty. Despite their medical clearances and their desperate need to be out and active again, they were going to be doing paperwork 'for the foreseeable future' as Cragen had ordered.

Olivia spent many days staring at file after file of old cases, new cases, opened cases, inactive cases from the precinct's storage area. Her head was clear enough but every time Elliot's name was mentioned she would drift off, remembering his one visit. Since her incapacitation, she had renewed her efforts to find him, she even bribed hospital security to let her see the video of the night he visited but there was no trace. She questioned hospital staff but they were of no help. The only evidence she had was his dog tag which she now wore on a long chain, hidden beneath her shirt. Absently she felt for it, pressing the metal to her skin. It was enough for her to know he was there, and he would be back.


	7. March

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play.  
To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

**March **

Spent a lifetime  
Finally found someone  
Gave him all that I had  
In love till the dream was gone  
I was losing myself  
Out in the darkness alone  
But the night made me strong  
And I learned to let go

Time mends a heart  
You turn the page somehow  
Oh, there's no looking back  
The hurt is behind you now

CHORUS:  
Starting over again  
From the second time around  
Coming back to win  
Starting over again  
Take the first step  
And let it begin  
Starting over, starting over

Memories haunt you  
Feelings you won't forget  
Learn to live a lesson in love  
Walk away without regrets  
We'll never deny  
Feelings your heart demands  
Ah, find your way out  
Just when you reach the end

Starting over again  
No one's gonna count you out  
When the heat is on  
Starting over again  
Gotta come back and turn it around  
Starting over

Take another look inside  
Where you always have a fight  
Never dream of giving up, never  
No looking back

With a new warmth coming into the city, Olivia felt a warming in her soul. She was feeling better, and she knew Elliot would return. Those two things warmed her heart and gave her a new burst of life. She threw herself into her work and the results came in.

Stefan, whose lucky escape was evident by the scar across his neck, was feeling more himself too. He launched himself into his work with vigour and cleaned up several cold cases by himself in the first two weeks of March alone.

"How do you do it?" Olivia asked, as she watched him refile some papers.

"Natural ability!" he replied with a wink.

"But those cases have been sitting there for years," she said.

"Olivia, sometimes a fresh eye brings results."

Olivia chuckled. "It must be the way they train you down in Jackson."

"Must be," muttered Stefan, some of the humour fading from his face. "What have you got there?" He gestured to the open folder on her desk.

"The Palosso Case," she sighed. "Maybe you should have it – I'd like nothing more to get this bastard!" She handed the file across the desks.

Stefan opened the folder and Olivia noted the colour wash from his face. "Something wrong?" She stood and walked over to him. He shook his head quickly before rubbing his hand across his eyes.

"No, I'm fine, Olivia, just tired I guess."

Olivia studied him closely, it didn't take a detective to figure out something was amiss. "Maybe you should take a break," she suggested. "All that reading can't be good for your eyes."

"Good idea! Look Olivia, give me ten minutes to get some fresh air and I'll be back ready and rarin' to go, okay?"

Olivia nodded, not sure whether to believe him or not. There had been a few occasions in the last month when things just didn't seem right but each had easily been explained away. She didn't want to distrust him and she had nothing concrete, she didn't even have a bad feeling about him. It was the opposite, if anything. Stefan was very attentive, almost studious of her and the practises of the unit. He asked all the right questions and had some very skilled investigative skills of his own. She knew he was an asset to the team, but still, there were times, like these, where she didn't know what to think.

True to his word, Stefan returned ten minutes later with coffee for him and tea for her.

"Sorry Olivia," he said, placing the steaming cup in front of her. "Let's get to it."

Olivia looked up at him and the silver rimmed glasses on his face. "Glasses? Since when do you where glasses?"

"Since forever." He returned to his desk.

"How come I haven't seen them before?" she questioned.

"I usually wear contacts but they're a bit much when I get tired, so I took them out. Is that okay with you, Detective?" He said, looking at her across the top of the rims. She returned his stare. "And since when do you have green eyes?"

"Since I was born," he sighed. "Look, Olivia, have you asked enough questions or do you want to take me into interrogation and keep at it."

"Your eyes are blue, they are on your license as blue, but you have green eyes, explain it?" She stood and moved in front of him.

"My eyes are green. I wear blue contacts, matches my colouring better, Olivia." He returned his focus to his file.

"So why does you license…"

"Olivia." He pronounced her name slowly, accentuating each syllable, "it was done in error when my license was renewed. Nothing sinister, nothing underhanded – an error, okay, Olivia?"

"One more question…" she started.

"What, Olivia?" He sighed heavily.

"You never call me anything but Olivia, why don't you ever call me Liv." She watched him closely.

"Your friends call you Liv, I'm not your friend, I'm your partner – remember?" He stood up.

"Yes, I remember, I would have thought after all this time…"

"I prefer the name Olivia, if it's all the same to you." He walked away, he wanted to be her friend, he loved New York, loved the job and after many years of moving he was ready to settle down, preferably with Casey. It just so happened at the moment he couldn't think about any of it, he couldn't be Olivia's friend, to do so could be dangerous for both of them. For the time being he would keep a professional distance, something he excelled at, he would work with her, watch her and hope by the end of it things would go his way.

A week later and the partnership was still functioning. Olivia was still unsure of Stefan, she had watched him a little closer this week but nothing had revealed itself. She had picked the phone up a couple of times to call Casey but decided against it as Casey seemed truly happy for the first time in a long, long time. Olivia didn't want to ruin that, for no real reason.

The many hours she spent at her desk, bound by countless files, gave her ample time to survey the comings and goings of the squad. By the end of the month she was sure there was a loop and she wasn't in it. Don Cragen had had countless 'briefings' with Fin, John and Stefan individually, but she'd only been called in twice. John and Fin seemed to be working on something other than the Lambruski Case they had been handed, but denied it when questioned, and then there had been the lack of 'Elliot' talk throughout the month. His name was only mentioned when Olivia said it or when his name came up in regards to a case, it occurred to her there was a distinct disinterest in his whereabouts.

It was three in the morning on the last day of March when reality hit her, it all added up, she was the only one who didn't know the truth behind Elliot's departure. The adage of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' had proven its validity, she loved Elliot more than she thought possible and that wasn't a dream she was ready to give up on. So, she decided her aim for April would be twofold; to start over and discover the truth about Elliot and to find out if Stefan Jorgensen, her hunky Nordic partner from Mississippi, was who he said he was.


	8. April

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.  
March: Desk bound thanks to Cragen, Olivia realises she's was the only one who doesn't know the truth**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

**April**

_Every breath you take  
Every move you make  
Every bond you break  
Every step you take  
I'll be watching you_

_Every single day  
Every word you say  
Every game you play  
Every night you stay  
I'll be watching you_

_Oh, can't you see  
You belong to me  
How my poor heart aches  
With every step you take_

_Every move you make  
Every vow you break  
Every smile you fake  
Every claim you stake  
I'll be watching you_

_Since you've gone I been lost without a trace  
I dream at night I can only see your face  
I look around but it's you I can't replace  
I feel so cold and I long for your embrace  
I keep crying baby, baby, please..._

_Oh, can't you see  
You belong to me  
How my poor heart aches  
With every breath you take_

_Every move you make  
Every vow you break  
Every smile you fake  
Every claim you stake  
I'll be watching you_

_Every move you make  
Every step you take  
I'll be watching you_

_I'll be watching you  
I'll be watching you  
I'll be watching you  
I'll be watching you_

Spring was a refreshing change to the long winter, though Olivia wasn't sure if this was related to weather patterns or her new-found ambition to take on all before her. She was on a mission and no one or nothing would stop her. She just had to figure out a way to do it on her own as she had discovered in March everyone else seemed to know the truth.

_God, I sound paranoid, _she mumbled to herself as she looked into her bathroom mirror. _Anyone would think I was Munch. _ She giggled at the thought of being Olivia Munch, Olivia Stabler, now that would be another matter entirely. She shook her head; she had promised herself she would not think of Elliot as anything but a case until she found him. Emotions were a liability in any case and this one would not be the exception.

Walking into the squad room she noticed her name and Stefan's up on the active case board. She smiled as Stefan came over to greet her; obviously happy with the fact they wouldn't be battling paperwork anymore.

"Olivia, good morning, see the board?" He pointed behind her.

"Hi, Yes, I did."

"Isn't it great, no more of this?" He picked up a pile of manila folders and waved them about.

"Yeah," Olivia replied non-commitally. Being on active duty would severely limit her pursuit of Elliot, something she hadn't expected.

"You don't sound too sure there."

"I need to speak to the Captain…"

"Everything alright, Olivia?" His concern was genuine.

"Yeah, everything's … maybe not alright but … it's okay." Olivia walked away not knowing where else to go with the conversation. She rapped quickly on the Captain's before she lost her nerve.

-------------

Olivia stood looking out of his office window, as Don completed his phone call, contemplating the tack she would take. She had two minutes exactly.

"What's up, Liv?" Don asked, replacing the receiver.

"Ah," she drew a breath, "Um…"

"Liv, take a seat." Don walked around the desk and ushered Olivia into a chair. "Everything okay?"

"Yes and no, Cap."

"Which one?" He studied her face carefully, trying to figure out where the discussion was headed.

"I caught the board on the way in; Stefan and I are back on active duty…"

"Yes, you've both been cleared and have certainly done your share of paperwork in the last six weeks. Do you have a problem with active duty?"

"I don't know." Olivia looked up at her boss. "I mean, no, active duty's fine but…"

"But what? What's going on, Liv?"

Olivia stood and went back to the window, staring out again. "Any chance of remaining on desk duty for another few weeks?"

"Look at me, Olivia,' he commanded. "Are you asking me to put you on a desk?"

"Yeah, I am." She nodded.

"Why?" Don was stunned; Olivia had never requested to be anywhere but in the midst of the action.

"I just think…" she paused, changing thoughts in midstream. "It doesn't have to be desk duty; I'd just like a …change."

"A change? From what? I thought putting you back in the field would be a change." Don was concerned and confused.

"Could we swap teams? Me and Fin, John and Stefan or Fin and Stefan?" she asked.

Don's expression quickly changed. "No, Olivia, Stefan is your partner you get to keep him. Is there a problem I should know about?"

"No problem," Olivia answered, at this stage she had nothing against him and wouldn't lie. "I just don't think I'm quite ready to be in the field today."

"Just today?" Had this been any other detective or at any other time, Don would have used his captain card and dictated the terms of employment at the 16th. This was different and his options were limited. He knew Stefan would be her partner, there was nothing surer, and he also knew giving her leave was out of the question. She needed to be at work and with Stefan. Those were the two musts. However, if he made her do something she wasn't ready for and she requested leave his hand would be forced, something he didn't want to see happen.

"Captain," she paused. "Don, it's been a hell of a few months and I … Look, I haven't lost my nerve, I just have an uneasy feeling and think a couple more weeks at my desk will get me over this hump." She stopped to gauge his reaction. "It doesn't mean Stefan has to be deskbound though. Spending some time with Fin and John would be beneficial for him."

Don moved back to his chair and sat, he drummed his fingers on the desk, contemplating his response. If Olivia was office-bound, Stefan could do some leg work but the whole point of having Stefan was to be Olivia's constant partner.

"Give me ten minutes and I'll have a decision." He picked up the receiver and Olivia departed. "We may have a problem…"

-------------------

After his phone call, Don called Olivia and Stefan into his office and announced she would be on desk duty for another two weeks, at which stage matters would be reviewed.

"And me?" Stefan asked, he hadn't come all the way to New York to be a paper pusher.

"You have an active case on the board, don't you?" Don asked.

"Yes."

"Then get active. You can take Fin with you."

"But…" His eyes darted to Olivia and back."

"But, what son? Olivia doesn't _need_ a partner if she's just doing paper work, does she?" Don said, carefully articulating his response.

"No, sir."

With job roles identified, Olivia returned to her desk and Fin and Stefan departed, she could feel the stares from John and Fin as they were informed of the changes but she didn't look up from her desk and continued with her work.

----------------

Within a week, Olivia had completed more paperwork than she thought possible, spending many late nights at home finalising reports. It wasn't a new found passion, it was a tactic. This way she could spend time in the coming week in other 'investigative pursuits' and still be able to present completed work for the Captain's benefit.

With Fin and Stefan out in the field and with John in court, Olivia had the freedom of the office. She made a few phones calls and sat back and waited for the results to come in. She also made time to meet Casey for lunch.

"Hi Liv, how goes the paperwork?" Casey asked, sitting opposite Olivia in a sandwich bar.

"Slowly," Olivia sighed, "oh so slowly."

"Is this the last week?" Casey asked, already knowing the arrangements Don had put into place.

"I don't know, depends on what Cragen thinks," Olivia lied and Casey knew it.

"Anything interesting?" Casey asked, unsure of why Olivia had requested desk work.

"Nah, same old same old. So what's new with you?" she asked, changing the topic.

"Should get a verdict in the Buckley case this week, so I'll get a couple of days breathing space before the next one."

"Any plans?"

"No, why?"

"I just thought maybe you and Stefan would get away for the weekend, weather's supposed to be good." Olivia suggested.

"Stefan's hell bent on discovering all the joys of New York City before he heads anywhere else. We spend an inordinate amount of time traipsing around these streets," said Casey, knowing full well Stefan was not able to leave the city. Actually, she corrected herself, not able to leave Olivia alone was closer to the mark.

Olivia watched her friend's face and knew, while she wasn't lying, she wasn't telling the whole truth. She changed tack.

"You could have knocked me over when I saw him wearing glasses," Olivia commented.

"Yeah." Casey grinned widely. "Makes him so much sexier, doesn't it?"

"Well, I wouldn't …yeah, it does! And those green eyes?" She raised her eyebrows.

"I prefer the blue myself, but I can handle gazing into the green ones too." She winked at Olivia.

Olivia sighed, that didn't work. "How are things with the two of you?"

"Very good." Casey's face beamed. "I think he's the best thing that's happened to me." It was an honest assessment of their relationship.

-----------

"I'm happy for you, Case," said Olivia, and she was, sort of. She just needed more information. "Do you know his intentions?"

"Intentions? That sounds a bit formal, Liv."

"No! Not those intentions, his plans? When Elliot gets back is he going to stick around?" There, she'd mentioned the 'E' word.

"I hope so." Casey paused slightly. "So, Elliot - any news?"

Olivia stared at her friend; it was time to get some answers. She inhaled deeply.

"Liv, something wrong?" Casey asked genuinely concerned.

"Yes, there is." She stopped.

"What is it?"

"It's Elliot…" Olivia began.

"What about him?"

"He's coming back." Olivia gave a brief smile.

"Really? That's great! How did you find out?" Casey shook her head; she had heard nothing about a return at all.

"He told me," Olivia smiled confidently and watched as Casey shuffled about in her seat.

"He did! Liv, how…when were you talking to him?"

"Elliot came to see me and we talked and …"

Casey's eyes widened. "Are you sure you didn't dream it? I thought he was …" her voice trailed.

"You thought what?"

"Just that he was MIA."

"That's not what you were going to say," Olivia's tone lost some of its friendliness.

"I just didn't think he was in contact…with anybody."

"He is…he still has his contacts. He told me so."

Casey's head was swirling. Either Olivia was making it up or Elliot had gone against the very nature of the purpose of his absence. If she called Olivia on it she would reveal her prior knowledge, if she didn't she couldn't ensure Elliot's mission had not been compromised. "Wow! After all this time."

"And he gave me this." She pulled the silver chain from under her shirt and held the dog tag up for Casey to see.

"Wow!" was all she could offer.

Days later Olivia was sitting at her desk, surrounded by files, attempting to look industrious while mentally checking off her to do list. She knew Casey had revealed their lunch conversation to others, it was noted in the actions of those around her. Next up, she had to see the Captain and move things along. She knocked on his door.

"Captain, have you got a minute?" she asked, peering around the door.

"Sure Liv, take a seat."

Olivia closed the door behind her and sat, hands clasped in front of her.

"Cap, I wanted to say thank you, I really appreciate you giving me the extra weeks behind the desk, it's really helped me…" she began.

"You're welcome. Does this mean I can put you back on active duty?" He asked hopefully, there were a few cases on the board and he needed people on the street.

"No, you can't. I'd like to take leave, please," she requested.

"Leave? That's not possible, Liv, we're short as it is and …" Many arguments raced through his head.

"I know it leaves you in the lurch but this isn't really a request." She watched as his face changed from surprise to shock.

"Not a request? Then what it is?" His tone was clipped.

"I had a check up yesterday and on the advice of my doctor I need to take medical leave." It was only a partial lie, she had seen the doctor yesterday, who proclaimed her in good health, Olivia then asked the doctor for some time off due to 'stress'. After a lengthy discussion, the doctor consented on the provision Olivia saw a counselor. She agreed, it was a small price to pay to be away from the 16th and those watching her every move. Playing the doctor card was to her advantage, doctor-patient confidentiality meant her status could not be disclosed. Don Cragen couldn't refuse her absence and couldn't dictate what she did while she was absent.

With no alternative he consented.

Taking a room in the Astoria Hotel, Olivia pulled out all the notes she had accumulated. She spread them over the king-size bed and reorganised them until they made some sort of sense. Here, she felt safe. She was away from her apartment, no one knew she was here and after checking in under the name of Emma Thornton, they wouldn't find her. She picked up the Palosso file, the one Stefan had reacted to. It had been one of her first cases, one still unsolved. Her first step would be to find the connection between Stefan and a murdered twenty-two year old police woman named Jessica Palosso from seven years ago.


	9. May

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. This song is one of may all-time favourites, so I had to fit it into this story somewhere. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.  
March: Desk bound thanks to Cragen, Olivia realises she's was the only one who doesn't know the truth  
April: Olivia is investigating and when she can't do it from work, she takes leave. **

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

**May**

Look into my eyes - you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart - search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more

Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
You can't tell me it's not worth dyin' for  
You know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you

Look into your heart - you will find  
There's nothin' there to hide  
Take me as I am - take my life  
I would give it all - I would sacrifice

Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more  
Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you

There's no love - like your love  
And no other - could give more love  
There's nowhere - unless you're there  
All the time - all the way

Oh - you can't tell me it's not worth tryin' for  
I can't help it - there's nothin' I want more  
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you  
Walk the wire for you - ya I'd die for you

Ya know it's true  
Everything I do - I do it for you

Olivia's first phone call of the morning was to the Police Department of Jackson, Mississippi, after all this is where Stefan was from. They hadn't heard of him and couldn't help. So, she phoned the police academies in several nearby states but they could not provide any assistance. Four days and fifty three phone calls and there was no trace of Stefan Jorgensen in the Police Departments of thirteen states. Realising this line of investigation could take her forever, she phoned Dean Porter and arranged a meeting.

Late on a Tuesday night he knocked on the door. Olivia quickly ushered him in.

"Ol…" Dean began before she cut him off.

"It's Emma…when I'm here…"

"Sorry, Emma what's going on?"

Olivia grabbed two bottles of water from the bar fridge and they sat in the corner armchairs.

"Dean, can I trust you?" she asked quietly.

"Of course. Are you in trouble?"

"No, I don't think so, but I need help and their's no one else I can turn to."

"What do you need?"

Olivia retrieved the files she had placed in the room safe.

"Elliot has been MIA since November…he's working on something and no one will tell me anything…" she began.

"What makes you think that?" Dean asked cautiously.

"I just know it. Elliot came to see me in hospital after I was injured and said he couldn't tell me. Everyone else seems to know something and they won't tell me. I have a new partner, Stefan Jorgensen," she paused and pulled out a photo. "There's something amiss there."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked scanning the picture.

"I can't put my finger on it but I just don't think he's who he says he is."

"Who does he say he is?"  
"A twenty nine year old from Mississippi. He's supposed to be on secondment to SVU so he can set up a similar unit in Jackson."

"And what makes you think he's not."

"No Police Department in Mississippi has heard of him. No PD in thirteen states has heard of him. Births, Deaths and Marriages has no Stefan Jorgensen which fits his details and no passport records exist in his name."

"So, we have a mystery man?" Dean leaned back in the armchair.

"We do. Can you help me?"

"Yeah. What else do you need?"

"Information on Elliot."

"Any details?"

"No, just that I don't think he's too far away. Whatever he's doing is big – he hasn't contacted his family in six months. He's given up everything for this case – I just want to know what it is."

"That's understandable," said Dean jotting down his own notes.

"Anything else?"

Olivia picked up the Palosso file. "Stefan had a strange reaction when he looked at this file." She handed Dean the file. "I'm looking for a connection."

Dean made a few more notes before promising Olivia he would do his best and be in touch. With someone finally on her side, Olivia had the first good night's sleep in months.

A week later, armed with countless records garnered at the library and endless hours on the internet, Olivia had more details than she could handle. What she needed now was the key to unlock the mystery contained within them.

The knocking on the door surprised her and she drew her gun.

"Who is it?" she called.

"Emma, it's me, Dean," he called through the door.

Olivia looked through the peephole before opening the door.

"I brought Chinese food." He lifted up the plastic bag. "And these – and they are very interesting I might add." He waved the file in his hand.

"Start with the food," Olivia said, "I'm starving – I forgot to eat lunch."

"You forgot?"

"Yeah, I got caught up in all this…" She gestured to the three piles behind her on the bed.

Dinner was quickly consumed and cleared away before the paperwork was presented.

"What did you find?" she asked, grabbing her notepad.

"That you were right. You're partner does not exist, by that name anyway. I contacted a few people and it seems your man is a private investigator by the name of Luke P…"

"Palosso?" Olivia said.

"Yes indeed. He is the twin of your murdered police woman. He's spent the last seven years searching for her killer."

"So why's he here?" Olivia was stunned.

"Haven't quite figured that one out yet…but…" Dean paused.

"But?"  
"But he is connected to Elliot…"

"How do you know?"

"Dumped his phone records and Elliot's cell phone comes up at least three times a week since November, except when Stefan / Luke was in hospital."

"Any other numbers come up?"

"Yeah, Cragen, Munch, Tutuola, Novak, the local pizza place…the only number which appears irregularly is yours."

"Does that information tell you where Elliot is?" Olivia asked hopefully.

"Not exactly but I've got someone working on it."

"Find anything about what he's doing?"

"Not yet."

Olivia took a long drink of water, Stefan was Luke and he was a PI. He was the twin of a murdered cop. Elliot was still gone but she now knew he spoke to Stefan regularly.

"Is Elliot investigating the Palosso case?" Olivia finally asked.

"It would make sense, wouldn't it?" Dean asked.

"No, Elliot and I were investigating that one. Why put a PI undercover as a cop? I don't get it."

"Luke Palosso also has a background in martial arts and in personal protection. My guess is he's meant to be your bodyguard."

"My bodyguard? Really?"

"Yeah, and you taking medical leave definitely put a huge spanner in the works."

"How do you know that?" Olivia dropped her pencil onto her pad.

"Because every cop on the beat has seen a photo of you and are looking for you. Cragen has a car sitting out the front of your building and there are thirty seven messages on your answering machine."

"Oh," she sighed deeply, "so what do we do now?"

"Now, it's…" Dean looked at his watch, "nearly two. I think we call it a night. I have a few more results to come in, so sit tight for a few days and I'll be back Friday."

In Olivia's mind, Friday seemed to take too long to come. She took some time to rest in the intervening days but the case at hand was never far from her thoughts.

True to his word, Dean returned promptly at seven.

"Emma, I have good and bad news…" he started, closing the door behind him.

"What is it?" Olivia asked impatiently.

"I know where Elliot is, I know what he's doing now and…"

"Is that the good or bad?"

"It's both. He's been critically injured."

Olivia was on her feet. "Take me to him."

"Liv," Dean grabbed her arm. "Until I know what he's been up to I don't know how safe…"

"Damn being safe, I need to see him."

"Liv, it may be putting you or him in danger. It could just make matters a whole lot worse."

"Worse than him being critical? Worse than me being in hiding? I don't think so. Look, Dean, you've got to get me in to see him. I don't care how."

It was half past two in the morning when Olivia slipped into Elliot's room. His head was swathed in bandages, two IV drips went into his arms. The monitors recorded every effort his body was making to get through this ordeal. Dean stood guard having flashed his FBI badge and gained assurances from the night shift this visit would not be mentioned.

"Hey Elliot," Olivia said quietly, standing by his bedside. His eyes didn't open. "Elliot," she said again, taking his hand and kissing it. She clasped it tightly and perched on the bed. With her other hand she ran her fingers down his cheek. She felt the rough gauze protecting a head wound,then bent down and kissed his lips.

"Liv?" he mumbled, eyes flickering.

"Yes, Elliot, I'm here." She kissed him again.

"Liv?" he mumbled again and this time his eyes stayed open. "Liv?"

"Hey there, what have you done to yourself?" She asked, tears pooling in her chocolate eyes.

"Car wreck…what are you doing here?"

"Making sure you're okay." Her fingers stayed gently on his cheek.

"I'm okay…you can't be here, Liv. It's not safe…how did you know…" Elliot said, breathless with the effort.

"I have contacts of my own. Elliot, I need to know what the connection is between you and Stefan."

"Stefan?" His eyes fluttered and closed, he didn't want to go there.

"Stefan, my partner, or should I say Luke Palosso." Elliot's eyes popped open and he tried to sit up. Buzzers sounded on the monitor, alarming them both.

"No, Elliot, you can't get up! Lay back down." Olivia put her hands on his shoulders and he had no strength to fight her, he slumped back into the bed.

"Liv, how did you find out? What do you know?" His blue eyes were opened wide in fright.

"I know you need to tell me the truth."

Elliot sighed deeply, he wasn't in any state to tell her any of the details. He couldn't until he was in a position to protect her, especially as she was on leave and Stefan was useless. "Liv, one day soon I will tell you everything but…"

"No, Elliot, today, now…you have been gone six months, you've put your life on hold. I've had a partner-come-bodyguard. He's the twin brother of a murder victim we investigated and, with one exception, everyone in my life is lying to me."

"Liv, " Elliot whispered, "all you need to know now...is everything I do, I'm doing it for you."

He closed his eyes and drifted off into a sleep and medication induced slumber. Dean came in. "Liv, time to go. Did you get what you needed?"

"What I needed? No. What I wanted? Yes." She gently kissed his cheek and slipped out into the night.

**Author's Notes: There may be a delay putting the next few chapters up, I am trying to catch up with the three weeks of work I recently missed being sick. I will try my best and am very appreciative of the reviews and support for this one, especially from Sam.**


	10. June

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play. **

**To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.  
March: Desk bound thanks to Cragen, Olivia realises she's was the only one who doesn't know the truth  
April: Olivia is investigating and when she can't do it from work, she takes leave.  
May: Olivia has a friend in Dean Porter who gets to the truth and gets Olivia to Elliot.**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

**June ****  
**  
Maybe it's intuition  
but some things you just don't question  
Like in your eyes, I see my future in an instant  
And there it goes,  
I think I found my best friend  
I know that it might sound  
more than a little crazy  
but I believe...

I knew I loved you before I met you  
I think I dreamed you into life  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I have been waiting all my life

There's just no rhyme or reason  
Only the sense of completion  
And in your eyes, I see  
the missing pieces I'm searching for  
I think I've found my way home  
I know that it might sound  
more than a little crazy  
but I believe...

I knew I loved you before I met you  
I think I dreamed you into life  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I have been waiting all my life

A thousand angels dance around you  
I am complete now that I've found you

I knew I loved you before I met you  
I think I dreamed you into life  
I knew I loved you before I met you  
I have been waiting all my life

After taking a few days to finalise her thoughts and the details of the case, Olivia decided on her next step. Taking advantage of the first day of June, she walked into the Precinct at 4:00pm and headed upstairs, knowing there were many, many eyes on her.

Without stopping for well-wishers or colleagues, Olivia went straight to Don Cragen's office and knocked on his door.

"Enter," he called and Olivia drew a deep breath, stealing herself for the card she was about to play. To her advantage, John, Fin and Stefan were already in there, she smiled at her luck.

"Liv!" Fin jumped up from his chair and embraced her. "Where have you been? You looked relaxed."

"I managed to get away for a few weeks," she replied. It wasn't a lie, she had been away, by a few miles but still away.

"Liv, welcome back," said John, kissing her cheek. "You are back?" He looked at her over his dark glasses. Olivia smiled but gave no answer; much would depend on how this meeting panned out.

Don came from behind his desk and gave her a warm hug, he was both pleased and surprised to see her here in this office. "Liv, I'm very glad to see you. You had me worried disappearing like that!"

"I didn't mean to worry you Don, just felt like a change of scenery," Olivia said quietly.

"Hi there partner," Stefan said, patting her arm and feeling uncomfortable with the level of affection being displayed. "Glad to see you back."

Fin ushered her into his chair before making excuses for their departure but Olivia put her hand on his arm and stopped him.

"No Fin, John, I'd like you to stay. There are a few things I need to say and I'd rather you all be here at the same time." Olivia said in a quiet, reserved manner.

'Sure," Fin mumbled.

Soon all were seated or standing ready in anticipation of what Olivia might say. She looked at their faces, all earnest to understand what this meeting was about.

With a heavy sigh she started. "Well, I've been doing a lot of thinking in my six weeks or so I've been away and…" she paused, more for a dramatic effect than need for a break. "And I've also been doing a little research…" She noted Don's eyes opening a little wider.

"On…" John said.

"On…on a few things actually," she said.

"Find anything interesting?" Fin asked. Olivia gave him a half smile and noted neither Don or Stefan had spoken.

"Yeah, very..." She looked at her boss then at Stefan and back. "I know you've all been lying to me. You all know the truth about Elliot's absence and not one of you has told me." She put on her most hurt and aggrieved expression.

"Liv, what makes you think that?" asked Fin. For the briefest of moments, Olivia thought maybe Fin and John weren't in on the scheme. She decided to go with her first instinct.

"I've watched you – you all and there are things you're not telling me…"

"Olivia, I told you I knew where Elliot was and what he was doing from the beginning, there's been no lie," Don said defensively.

"You never told me th…"

"I don't have to report to you, Detective," he said, standing up. Olivia cringed inwardly, she didn't want to lose this opportunity.

"I know that, sir, and I accept it. You may not have _lied _per se but you didn't tell me the whole truth, did you?" She looked directly at Stefan.

For several moments there was an uneasy silence, so she continued.

"I don't believe we've met," she said, standing to shake Stefan's hand. Stefan's confusion played across his face and he looked at Don for guidance.

"Um, Olivia, I'm Stefan…your…"

"You are Luke Palosso…you are a private investigator with a sideline is personal protection. I'm guessing you're supposed to be my bodyguard, correct?"

Stefan had no idea what to do next, his identity had been revealed and in an instant everything was jeopardised.

"Olivia, how did you…? Don asked quickly.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is it's the truth and you all knew it! Right?" She looked at Don, then Fin and John and each gave the slightest nod, barely managing to maintain eye contact. "What I want to know is why do I have a bodyguard?"

"Olivia, maybe we should finish…"

"No, Captain, there have been too many lies or secrets, I think everyone should hear the same information," Olivia said.

Don returned to his chair, Stefan shuffled his feet, Fin sat uneasy in his chair and John sat on the edge of the shelf bemused by the entire proceedings.

"What do you want to know, Olivia?" Don finally asked.

"Everything…from the beginning."

"Well, Olivia there are a few things I can't…" Don began, and immediately Olivia's heart went out to him.

"Captain, I respect the position you are in. Why don't I tell you what I know and you can fill in the blanks?"

"Go ahead."

"This is what I know…Elliot came to me on Halloween and said he was thinking of taking leave and the lasting memory of that night was the look of fear in his eyes. His leave was immediate and when he was due to return you told me he'd gotten himself into something and needed time to get out." Don nodded. "Except he's not the one in trouble, is he? Or rather, wasn't at that time, I was the one in trouble, right?" Don nodded again. "When Elliot wasn't coming back, Stefan or rather Luke was put in as my partner. A PI working undercover as a cop is a new one on me, haven't figured that one yet but we'll get to it. So Elliot's MIA, Luke…can I call you Luke?" He nodded and she continued. "Luke, is my new partner and while he has pretty good investigative skills, he police procedure is off and it gets me wondering what they do in Mississippi. Come January we get shot, and February we recover and I get a visit in hospital from Elliot."

Olivia smiled at the shocked looks on their faces, that was something they didn't know. "So back at work in March and I'm on desk duty. Luke is a cold case whiz, must be that PI training, but he reacts badly to one file, the Jessica Palosso file." Instantly she realises they know she knows. She pauses before continuing. "Luke, I'm sorry about your sister."

"Thanks, Olivia…" he muttered, looking decidedly uneasy by the events.

"I haven't quite figured how that relates to me but I'm sure it does. I was a bit uncertain at first but Elliot confirmed it…"

"When he saw you in February?" asked John.

"No, when I visited him in hospital…" she began.

"What?" Fin was on his feet. "What happened?"

A wave of panic swept over Olivia, this news was new to them and Don was punching buttons on the phone like there was no tomorrow. The intended recipient didn't answer and the message left was gruff. "Call me ASAP, got it!!!!"

"Details, Olivia," Don said replacing the receiver.

"Don't have many, sir. I know he was in a car wreck about the 20th of last month. I believe his car was t-boned at an intersection when a car ran a red light. He was critical for a few days but my last report was he was doing much better and was being discharged."

"Report? From whom?" Don asked, pen poised to take more notes.

"Not saying," Olivia replied firmly.

"Did he tell you what he was doing?" asked Fin.

"No, just whatever he was doing – it was for me."

Don tapped his pen a few times as an internal debate raged within. Should he tell Olivia the whole truth, part of the truth or pull rank and say nothing. He decided on the whole truth, minus a few details if he could manage to withhold them, worried about what their effect would be on Olivia is she knew.

"Here it is…" Olivia braced herself, eight months of worry about to be explained. "In October, Elliot was investigating Jeremiah Caracher as the prime suspect in the rape and murder of Elizabeth Gordon." Olivia thought hard, the name had a familiar ring but the case escaped her. "You were in court that week," Don said, noting her confusion. "Anyway, as Elliot got further into the case he came across a Lyle Bennett."

She heard Luke breathe deeply before he spoke. "I've been looking for Bennett for seven years…" he paused. "That bastard murdered my sister." His voice was flat and emotionless.

"How do you know it was him?" asked Fin. He and John had only been told what they needed to know, not the complete story.

"I saw him. He was a gardener at my sister's building. The night she was murdered I called passed and he was coming down her path, agitated with dark splotches down his green overalls. By the time the police got to him the overalls were long gone. No evidence on him or in Jessie's apartment and he walked."

Olivia was surprised by the evenness of his voice, no anger or bitterness, just matter-of-fact.

"I've been on his trail ever since…"

"I still don't get how that comes back to me," Olivia said.

Don scanned the faces in his office before responding. "Luke got a hit on Lyle Bennett when Elliot did a search on him."

"I contacted Elliot," Luke continued, "and we teamed up to go get him but he'd disappeared, again." The disappointment in his voice was evident to all. "We were so close, you know? Hot on his trail. We figured it would only be a short time before we got him."

"But why not tell me?"

"Liv, when Luke and Elliot broke into Bennett's apartment, he had a tribute wall. Jessica's photo's before, during and after her death were up, a handwritten plan of what he was going to do and when it was going to happen…" Don explained. Olivia looked up at Luke, sympathy flooding her heart.

"I'm so sorry," she mouthed. Luke smiled.

"It wasn't just Jessie, Olivia," Luke continued. He had pictures of four other policewomen he has killed since…" Olivia's heart began to race, suddenly she knew where this was going. "As we were going through his stuff we came across his next project…"

"Me?" Olivia asked in barely a whisper.

Don and Luke both nodded.

Olivia stood and went to the window, this wasn't what she was expecting.

"You okay, Liv?" Don asked, resting his hand on her shoulder.

"Yeah," she nodded. "Keep going…"

When no one spoke she prompted further… "How does that get me a bodyguard…"

"I've seen this bastard, Olivia," Luke said, the Mississippi accent fading with each word. "Elliot thought it best if I stay with you, I'd have a better chance of making sure he came no where near you."

"And what's he been doing?"

"He was on his trail. We honestly thought it would only be a short time but the guy's gone underground. Elliot's been hanging out in the same places as Caracher and Bennett used to, hoping he turns up or some info turns up." Luke answered.

"How long is this going to go on?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Don said truthfully. "I've tried to recall him three times now, he's used all his rec leave but he vowed not to return until Bennett's in jail and he knows you're safe."

Olivia sat back in the chair and closed her eyes. She had her answers, Elliot had put his life on hold for her, he was doing it for her – acting above and beyond the responsibility one has towards a partner, more like the actions one would do for a lover. It was the instant she realised he loved her as much as she loved him.

"Are you alright?" Fin asked, leaning over to her.

She nodded, not quite sure if she'd be able to speak.

"So, what happens now?" asked John.

"Now," Don said, "I'll get a hold of Elliot and the rest of us can get back to work."

The men all stood but Olivia remained seated.

"You ready to get back to work, Olivia?" asked Luke, his hand resting on her arm.

Olivia shook her head. "Maybe tomorrow then?" asked Luke. Olivia shook her head again and stood.

"I know you all meant well and I appreciate the fact you care so much to do it…but you didn't tell me. You didn't trust me with truth that my life was in danger, you didn't trust my judgment, my ability to look after myself. I can't work with people who don't trust me." She walked out of the office and away from Luke and three men who she once trusted implicitly.

Don sat at his desk and contemplated his next move, perhaps if Olivia knew all the details she would realise the nightmares they were trying to protect her from. For the rest of June he tried to find her but she was gone. Alone, with a murderer after her, Don couldn't protect her. When her request for transfer hit his desk on June 20th he approved it – at least he'd know where to find her.


	11. July

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play.  
To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though.  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.  
March: Desk bound thanks to Cragen, Olivia realises she's was the only one who doesn't know the truth  
April: Olivia is investigating and when she can't do it from work, she takes leave.  
May: Olivia has a friend in Dean Porter who gets to the truth and gets Olivia to Elliot.  
June: Olivia enters reveals what she knows to the team and then walks out, requesting a transfer.**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.**

**July**

"SV…Computer Crimes, Detective Benson." Olivia answered the phone, forgetting for the fourth time exactly where she was. Whilst Computer Crimes wasn't new and it wasn't where she intended to end up she was there nonetheless. She listened to a forensic lab technician go on about something before she realised she wasn't paying attention.

"Look can you just put all that in writing and fax it over?" she asked, interrupting his spiel. "Yeah, great." She hung up and surveyed her office.

She'd been here two weeks already and desperately missed her job at SVU and the people…some of the people, she reminded herself. Dean had not been able to get her anywhere near Elliot and despite initially thinking he was lying too, she finally conceded he was telling the truth. Don Cragen had spoken to her four times since her departure. Not once had he asked her to come back, each call was to check on her wellbeing. Her response was the same each time.

"I'm fine thank you, sir. No, sir, I don't need anything, except you to remove the surveillance team you have on me and my apartment. Yes, sir, I understand your position, thank you sir." She made every effort to be very professional and very polite. She knew Don believed he was acting in her best interests but she wanted him to treat her as a professional colleague and not his little girl.

When Don had finally had enough of the overly polite formality, he sent in an ally to change the situation.  
"Liv, got time for lunch?" Casey stood at her desk unannounced and unexpected.

"Um, I don't…" Her gut reaction was to say no, this was someone else who had lied to her.

"Please, Livvy, I really need you to have lunch with me." Something in the way she spoke made Olivia change her mind instantly.

"Sure." She grabbed her jacket and they headed out.

Seated at the nearest small Chinese restaurant, orders taken and drinks served, Olivia pushed the conversation beyond the pleasantries.  
"What's up Casey?"

Casey blew out a big breath. "Do I have any chance of you forgiving me?"

"What would I be forgiving you for?"

"For being one of a number of people who lied to you." Casey looked truly sorry.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Don asked me to." The response was so simple.

"Didn't you think I could deal with it?"

"I did and I said it at the time and I said it repeatedly at first but…"

"But you decided they were right?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah I did. Once I found out everything I thought if it were me, I wouldn't want to know."

"You're not me though. You knew I was worried about Elliot…"

"And he was so worried about you…"

"So why not tell me? I thought we were friends."

"Elliot was in no danger, you were…"

"Elliot ended up in critical condition…" Olivia's raised voice caught the attention of those at a nearby table.

"That was an accident. It had nothing to do with the case."

"Are you sure of that?" Her voice had quietened.

"Yes, Liv, I am."

"How am I supposed to believe you?"

There was a pause as the waitress placed their plates on the table.  
"Because I'm not lying."

Olivia shook her head, "You had a relationship with my 'partner' when you knew he was deceiving me."

"I never intended it, Liv, believe me. When we first met I didn't want anything to do with him but we spent some time together and …well, we connected. I love him, Liv, I love Luke."

Olivia smiled, happy for her friend but still annoyed by the deception.

"Tell me, Case, how does brown haired, green eyed, Luke Palosso from New York State, go to being blonde haired, blue eyed, Stefan Jorgensen from Jackson Mississippi?"

"He needed to be an out-of-towner, it would have been to easy check up on him had you known he was a local. His grandparents lived in Mississippi and he spent a many summers there, so it was a natural choice."

"And the name - 'Stefan Jorgensen' it's more Nordic than southern?"

"He had a case mid last year and needed a Swedish background, he had the hair and contact lenses to match, he also had a file full of false paperwork – passports, qualifications, plane tickets, license, in that name. When Elliot asked for the switch Luke didn't have time to create another identity."

Olivia sighed, it was all so logical – now. "So no more lies?"

Casey paused. "No more lies …but there is some additional information Don kept from you. He sent me here to fill you in only if you really want to hear it."

"Go ahead." Olivia put down her chopsticks.

"This stuff's not going to be pleasant."

"I can take it."

"It gave me nightmares after I heard it."

Olivia's stomach began churning. Maybe she didn't want to know. Maybe the fact the men in her life went to such extraordinary lengths to protect her was evidence enough. Casey noted the colour draining from Olivia's face.

"Liv, are you okay?"

"I want to know, Casey…I need to know."

Casey wiped her mouth with her napkin and pushed her barely touched plate away. They'd be no eating after this.

"Lyle Bennett is a sadistic murdered. He is responsible for the deaths of five policewomen as you know." Olivia nodded, her heart pounding. "Each one was more perverted than the last – greater mutilation, greater humiliation. Just more horrific than the last." Casey shuddered at the evidence she had seen. She reached across the table and took Olivia's hand, squeezing it tightly. "You know Luke and Elliot found evidence you were next?"

Olivia nodded slowly. "Yours would have been worse than the last and Elliot couldn't stand the thought of what that meant…for you."

Olivia drew a quick deep breath and asked the question she knew would change everything.

"What did he do to the last vic?"

Casey's eyes searched hers needing to be sure Olivia wanted to know "Are you sure?" she asked in a whisper. Olivia nodded.  
"Allison Ainsley, thirty-two, from the 11th precinct was murdered in her apartment about twelve months ago. Bennett kept her captive for five days. She was bound and gagged for most of it. He raped her repeatedly – used everything from himself to her own gun to the leg of a chair. He cut off a bit of her at a time, while she was alive, her ear, a toe, a chunk of meat from her calf, and then he made her eat it." Olivia nodded, hoping she wouldn't bring up her stomach contents here in the restaurant. "He collected her blood and forced it down her throat."

"She bleed to death?" Olivia asked, her voice choked with emotion

Casey shook her head. "No, he cauterised the wounds with a hot iron."

"Oh!"

"He also …"

"Stop! I've heard enough." She jumped up from the table, headed for the bathroom and regurgitated the little of lunch she had consumed.

Later that day she sat in Cragen's office, awaiting his return from a meeting at OnePP.

"Olivia!" he exclaimed opening his door.

'Oh, Don." She jumped up and embraced him. She now understood why he acted the way he had.

"I take it you had lunch with Casey?" Olivia nodded before letting him go. "You understand why I did it, Liv?" She nodded again. "You still don't agree though?"

Olivia sat down. "No, I understand and I appreciate you trying to spare me but I … you should have told me my life was in danger."

"In hindsight Liv, you're right but at the time we honestly thought we were doing the right thing."

"Have you been able to get in touch with Elliot?"

"No, you?"

Olivia shook her head.

"He is alright though, Liv."

"How do you know if you haven't spoken to him? You didn't even know about the accident."

"I've been leaving him messages and he's been leaving them for me. He knows you know but he's adamant he's so close. As for the accident, Elliot didn't tell me, if he had of I would have been at that hospital to drag his ass back here – there's no way he wanted that."

"But he is okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, Liv."

It was some consolation.

"Have you any intention of coming back to SVU?" Don finally asked. "We're short staffed with Elliot, you and Luke gone."

"Where's he gone?"

"Back to PI work. There's no point him being here now if you're not."

Olivia ran her hand over her face and through her hair. She found coming back harder and harder every time. Maybe she'd done her time in this unit, with these people. She'd been here longer than the norm; maybe a permanent change was on the cards.

"You haven't answered me, Liv."

"I know…perhaps when all this is over and Elliot's back…"

"That could be a while."

Olivia returned to her apartment, unnerved from Casey's news, comforted so many people cared so much for her. She took a long hot bath and crept into bed. She closed her eyes and instead of the nightmare she had been anticipating it was all about Elliot again. He had given up his life for her. She didn't know when she'd see him again but she would never forget this loving act of his. Her dreams that night were full of passion and love.

_I will come for you at night time  
And I will raise you from your sleep  
I will kiss you in four places  
As I go running up your street  
And I will squeeze the life out of you  
And you will make me laugh and make me cry  
And we may never forget it  
You will make me call your name  
And I'll shout it to the blue summer sky  
And we may never meet again  
So shed your skin and lets get started  
And you may throw your arms around me  
Yeah you may throw your around me  
Well I came for you at night time  
And I watched you in your sleep  
Lord I met you in high places  
I kissed your head and kissed your feet  
Now if you disappear out of view  
You know that I will never say goodbye  
And though I try and forget it  
You will make me call your name  
and I'll shout it to the blue  
summer sky  
And we may never meet again  
So shed your skin and lets get started  
And you may throw your arms around me  
Well I came for you at night time  
And I watched you in your sleep  
Lord I kissed you in four places  
I kissed your head and kissed your feet  
Throw your arms around me  
Yeah you may throw your arms around me_

**Author's notes: One last chapter to go, it's currently undergoing it's third re-write, so hopefully it'll be up soon.**

**I want to take this opportunity to thank you all for your support with this story, I appreciate the reviews and the encouragement. A very special mention to Ad Hominem Argument and Mariposa Angel18 - you girls are wonderful!**


	12. August

**Author's Notes: Just taking the characters and song out to play.  
To recap: September: Olivia and Elliot dance at the Ball  
October: Elliot tells Olivia he is taking leave  
November: Still no news of Elliot for Olivia – the captain knows though  
December: Christmas came and went, still no Elliot.  
January: Stefan has his own ideas about their case and he and Olivia end up shot.  
February: Olivia's recovery is assisted by a visit from Elliot.  
March: Desk bound thanks to Cragen, Olivia realises she's was the only one who doesn't know the truth  
April: Olivia is investigating and when she can't do it from work, she takes leave.  
May: Olivia has a friend in Dean Porter who gets to the truth and gets Olivia to Elliot.  
June: Olivia enters reveals what she knows to the team and then walks out, requesting a transfer.  
July: Olivia gets all the grisly details and understands why there were secrets.**

**Thanks for the great reviews – much appreciated.  
This is it! It's a bit longer than the rest but hopefully it ties it all up!**

**August**

The adage says no news is good news, and Olivia hoped it was so. Nothing had been heard from Elliot since the end of July and that had been a conversation between Elliot and Don late one Friday night. The call had been brief but Elliot said an end was in sight. Olivia prayed it would be over very quickly.

She stayed at Computer Crimes although her heart wasn't in it anymore. It was in the midst of a case on online banking fraud, Olivia realised she'd had enough of policing. There were many other things she wanted out of life and she came to the conclusion the police department couldn't provide them for her.

As she went to phone Casey it rang.

"Benson, Computer Crimes."

"Hey Liv, whatcha doing tonight?"

"Hi Fin, nothing. Why?"

"You know the Ball's on and we thought…"

"August? It's always in September."

"Oh, there was some double booking and they've moved it forward. Anyway, the gang's going and we'd love you to come with us. It's at the Astoria again."

"I don't know…"

"Please?"

"Fin, I …"

"Liv, I'll pick you up, drop you off, I'll even pay for your ticket. I just think it'll do us all the world of good to hang out together, you know?"

Olivia smiled, her thoughts flooding back to the last Ball, she'd had the time of her life. This time though Elliot wouldn't be there.

The more Olivia dithered and protested the more adamant Fin became, in the end she agreed.

"Great Liv, pick you up at seven!"

Dressed in a floor length scarlet gown with a tight lacy bodice, Olivia was ready ten minutes before Fin arrived. She had had her hair cut short and wore small ruby earrings. Stopping by her long mirror she took in her appearance, wondering whether all the effort was worth it. She grabbed her purse and put Elliot's dog tag in there – she had worn it daily since he had left it with her in the hospital. Tonight though, it really didn't go with her outfit.

Before she could think about Elliot anymore Fin knocked, punctual as usual.

"You're beautiful, Liv." Were his first words as he handed her a single red rose.

"You look great yourself." She said as she put the rose into water.

"Look, Livvy, before we go… I...um, well, we thought…" Fin struggled to find the right words.

"You all thought you were doing the right thing. You felt you had no choice. You care. Am I near the mark?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry…"

"You..." She kissed him on the cheek, "are forgiven. So is John." She kissed him on the other cheek. "But…do it again and I'll use my Glock – got it?"

Fin smiled and kissed her back – there was no way he'd ever do it again.

Half way through dinner and all Olivia's negative thoughts about being there were gone. It was like old times, nearly. Casey and Luke sat to her left, Melinda, Fin, and Don to her right. Across the table were John and a vacant chair, no one said it but they all knew it was for Elliot. He was still part of this group and this was their reminder.

"Olivia, may I have this dance?" asked Luke, stretching out his hand. She accepted and soon they were on the dance floor amongst the music and movement.

"Olivia," Luke began, as he held her in his arms. "I want you to know I never intended to hurt you…or to make a fool of you…"

"I know."

"I was desperate to get Bennett and when Elliot came up with this plan I went with it. I would have walked to Jackson barefoot on hot coals if it meant getting that bastard!" Olivia nodded. "Do you understand why we…"

"I do understand, Luke. Look, there are no hard feelings, okay?" This time it was Luke's turn to nod, Olivia looked into his sea green eyes and saw the tears pooling in them. "Luke, whatever I feel about the way this was done, I am very sorry about your sister." He nodded again and she pulled him to her.

"Thanks Olivia," he whispered.

She drew back and smiled. "Isn't it time you called me Liv?"

He smiled broadly, they had come so far.

Luke felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to see his former boss. "Mind if I cut in?" Don asked.

Olivia smiled and sighed slightly, not quite the man of her dreams but a man who was still very important in her life. Luke nodded, kissed Olivia's cheek and went to find Casey.

"I'm so glad you're here tonight, Liv," Don said quietly as they moved around the floor to Billy Joel's Piano Man.

"Me too," she replied, kissing his cheek. "I wasn't sure at first but Fin was quite insistent."

"I'll make sure to thank him." Olivia pulled back confused. "I wanted you to come but I thought if the invite came from me you'd refuse."

Olivia nodded, "I could have been persuaded."

"I couldn't take the chance you'd say no."

"Why was it so important I was here tonight?"

"Because I really have to talk to you…"

The music changed and the singer began:

_I'll always remember the song they were playin',  
The first time we danced and I knew,  
As we swayed to the music and held to each other,  
I fell in love with you. _

Olivia moved with Don to the rhythm of the music, the words bringing back the memory of her dance with Elliot a year ago.

"Liv," Don said quietly, "you need to know I did what I did because I care."

"I know you did."

"I did what I did because Elliot begged me too."

She leant back. "He begged?"

"He and Luke turned up at my door at 2 am, November 1st and told me everything. He pleaded with me to put Luke in as your partner, so he could go find Bennett."

"Aha."

"Liv, he told me then he loved you and nothing was going to stop him from protecting you. I didn't have much choice."

Olivia nodded, tears running down her cheeks.

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?  
Would you be my partner every night?  
When we're together, it feels so right.  
Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

"And I know you love him too. You have to believe me when I say it's been an incredibly hard year watching you go through this torment and not be able to say anything; not just as your boss but as your friend."

"It certainly hasn't been easy, has it Don?" She rested her head on his.

"But all that's going to change…" Olivia pulled back again. "It's over Liv, Bennett was cornered in a hotel in Vermont this morning…there were some shots fired and …let's just say he'll never hurt you." He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"And Elliot?" Olivia asked quickly, not the least bit interested in her own wellbeing.

_I'll always remember that magic moment,  
When I held you close to me.  
'Cause we moved together, I knew forever,  
You're all I'll ever need_

"Elliot's fine. He…"

The band stopped and the lights came on. The dancers stood in the middle of the floor unsure as to the problem. Then the singer continued slowly and unaccompanied…

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

Olivia looked around the room as confused as everyone else, everyone except Don.

_Would you be my partner every night?_

Don turned her around and she saw Elliot walk in, looking incredibly sexy in his tuxedo with scarlet bowtie and cummerbund. He walked towards her, everything going into slow motion.

_When we're together, it feels so right._

Elliot reached her and took her hand, before dropping to one knee and producing a small blue box. He opened it and a solitaire diamond ring sparkled.

_Could I have this dance for the rest of my life?_

"Olivia Benson, would you marry me…please?" He said, staring up into the face of the woman he loved more than anything else.

Olivia went to speak but her words failed. So she nodded quickly, not wanting Elliot to think her pause was doubt. He stood and slipped the ring onto her finger before pulling her into his arms. A ripple of applause went through the room, the lights dimmed and the music started but for Elliot and Olivia there was nothing else but them and this moment in time.

Effortlessly they wrapped each other in a tangle of arms before Elliot tenderly placed his lips on hers, it was a soft, gentle kiss not at all as Olivia had anticipated during the long months without him, it was better. She pulled back.

"Elliot, I love you," she whispered, before reaching in to kiss him again.

"And I love you, Olivia." He kissed her cheek. "There's so much I want to say to you…" Olivia pressed her fingers against his lips.

"Shh, not tonight. Tonight I just want to feel you."

They slipped out of the ballroom and picked up Olivia's wrap.

"Emma Thornton," came a voice from behind. Elliot didn't react but Olivia turned around.

"Charles, nice to see you again," she said.

"You too, Ms Thornton. You are looking as beautiful as ever," Charles replied. "I didn't realised you were back with us," he said, glancing down the hotel register.

"Oh, I'm not, Charles, I was here for the Ball."

"Well, your room is vacant for the weekend if you'd prefer to stay here," Charles offered.

Elliot coughed and Olivia instantly realised he had no idea who Emma Thornton was and why she'd stayed here.

"Charles, let me introduce Elliot Stabler, my fiancé, as of tonight…" She smiled, the words bringing pure joy to her lips.

"Congratulations sir, you are a mighty lucky man, Ms Thornton is a most wonderful person." He shook Elliot's hand vigorously before turning his attention back to the register. "As luck would have it the honeymoon suite is also free this weekend." He produced a security card. "On the house, it's our pleasure to have you stay with us again Ms Thornton."

Olivia paused for just a moment, deciding whether the honeymoon suite was appropriate. Elliot reached out and took it.

"Thank you Charles, it's very generous of you."

In the elevator on the way to the eighteenth floor, Elliot pulled Olivia into his arms. "Want to tell me about Ms Thornton and her stay at the Astoria?"

"No talking tonight, remember? There'll be plenty time for it later." Olivia said before claiming his mouth with hers.

The doors opened on the eighteenth and Elliot led her into the corridor, taking a quick look around to find the room.

"Ah, there it is," he said, spying the double doors at the end.

The walked along hand-in-hand before Elliot swiped the card into the door lock. The door buzzed and opened and a champagne coloured room sprawled out in front of them. Fresh flowers stood on the table, the drapes were drawn. Gentle music played and the lights were soft and welcoming. Elliot moved to pick Olivia up and carry her over the threshold but she stopped him.

"You are just recovering from a nasty accident…"

"I'm fit and healthy and…"

"I'm going to make sure you stay like that. Well, at least until I wear you out."

She moved into the room, while Elliot put out the 'do not disturb' sign and locked the door. Olivia opened the bar fridge.

"El, do you want anything? Water? Juice? Beer?"

Elliot grabbed her around the waist and spun her around. "Only you, Liv…only you." Olivia leaned in and kissed his cheek.

"Olivia Benson, do you know how much I love you and how much I've missed you?" Elliot whispered, holding her face gently between his hands.

"About as much as I love you and have missed you," Olivia replied, as she undid the buttons on his jacket.

Elliot's lips were on hers and Olivia's pain and torment of the past year disappeared with each tender kiss and touch. She pulled away from him and led him to the king-sized bed.

"Liv…I…"

"No…" She shook her head. "No more words."

He slipped off his jacket and undid the cummerbund while Olivia worked on his shirt buttons. He took it off and discarded it on the chair. She undid the pants button and zipper and watched them drop to the floor before turning around and allowing Elliot to unzip her dress, it too fell to the floor and revealed the red lacy underwear she was wearing.

"Wow!" Elliot muttered; eyes and mouth wide opened.

"You are pretty 'wow' yourself," Olivia said pulling him to her. She raised her hand and traced the scar on the side of his face, a lasting legacy of his accident. "Are you really okay?" she asked quietly.

"Right now, Liv, I can honestly say I've never been better."

He pulled back the quilt and sheet on the bed and watched as Olivia slipped in between the golden satin sheets.

"You coming?" she asked, realising she was still alone.

Elliot smiled and joined her.

Lying on his side, facing her, he ran his hand up and down her side before slowly making his way to her abdomen. He hooked his fingers inside her underwear and pulled them down. Reaching behind her he unclasped her bra before removing it and tossing it to the floor.

"God, you're beautiful!" he whispered replacing the touch of his hands with his lips and moving up, down and around her body.

Olivia closed her eyes initially but then opened them. For the past nine months she had prayed to see him, now he was here she wasn't going to take her eyes of him.

Each touch elicited a soft murmur or moan; she raked her fingers through his hair and brought his mouth up to hers. His attention to her body was wonderful but there was only one thing she needed at this moment and it was him.

She kissed him deeply then pulled back.

"El, make love to me now," she whispered, pulling down his boxers, "please."

Elliot smiled; the desire to make love to Olivia was one of the few things which had kept him going during his pursuit of Bennett. He discarded the boxers and rolled on top of her.

Softly he stroked her hair, before kissing her forehead, her nose then her lips, he gazed into her chocolate brown eyes as he moved into her at such an incredibly slow pace Olivia thought she'd burst.

Slowly and rhythmically he moved within her and Olivia matched his pace with her own movements. With each forward motion, Olivia would writhe underneath him, willing him to go further and further, but Elliot resisted. Using both hands she grabbed his butt trying to satisfy her urgent needs but he resisted and continued his with his slow rhythm, going a little deeper with each movement.

Olivia rolled them over and straddled him; she lowered herself onto him and quickened the movements. She moved rapidly up and down using his impressive full length to bring her to the brink of ecstasy.

When Elliot realised she was so close, he tumbled them over again and with two sharp thrusts made her cum. She clawed the sheets and screamed his name as her orgasm shook her body. Elliot then returned to his rhythmical movements and before long Olivia was on the edge again.

"Cum with me, baby," she whispered hoarsely.

She reached down and raked her manicured nails against him, he caught his breath. She continued applying pressure to his most sensitive area until he could stand it no more. He grabbed her hand and locked his fingers with hers. He thrust again and again and again.

"Oh God, Elliot!" Olivia screamed into the darkened room.

"Liv…ah…Liv!" He yelled into her neck as he collapsed spent.

Olivia kissed his head and Elliot rolled them over, kissing her many times. She murmured "I love you," into his chest before he raised her face.

"I love you, Olivia, always have – always will." Secure in each others arms, they fell asleep.

Late the next morning, Olivia awoke smiling even before her eyes could focus. She could feel Elliot behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist. She could feel his breath on her bare neck and hear his steady breathing. She manoeuvred herself to free her arms and sat up, allowing Elliot's arm to remain draped across her waist. Leaning back into the pillow, she took off her engagement ring for a better look. While she had been captivated by it the night before, it was Elliot who had taken her breath away – for all she knew it could have been a washer he put on her finger.

She held it up and admired the sparkling diamond. It was understated with a classical setting, something she would have chosen for herself. Turning it over, she noticed the inscription inside. _OB I Love you always forever ES, _tears pooled, underneath the rough exterior Elliot was a romantic – it was the name of the song they had danced to at last year's ball. When she saw the date the tears fell. _10/31/06. _Halloween. The night he had come to say goodbye, the day before he gave up everything for her - his family, his career, his life. The more she thought about it the more the tears fell.

Grabbing a handful of tissues, she held them to her face, not wanting Elliot to wake up and find her like this. But as the sobs wracked her body, Elliot stirred.

"Mmmm Liv, morning," he muttered in a daze.

"Afternoon El," she replied.

"Huh?" He opened his eyes and focused on the clock. "So it is." He looked at her. "Hey, hey, what's wrong?" Elliot sat up and grabbed Olivia's hand before she could escape to the bathroom.

"Nothing, honestly," she replied, allowing herself to be pulled back into his lap.

"Really? Why the tears?" He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her.

"I…I…" She pulled off her ring again. "I saw the inscription." The tears began again. "And the date…" She could speak no more.

"The date, my beautiful, beautiful, Olivia, is the date I realised I loved you more than I ever thought possible." He kissed her again, his own tears not too far away. "The night of the ball I knew it, if I was honest I always knew it but the ball confirmed it. When I realised just how much danger you were in I had to stop it. It's been incredibly hard being away from you but it was an easy sacrifice considering the alternative. I can't imagine my life without you in it." His tears fell softly and Olivia reached in to kiss them away.

"So, I bought the ring and had that inscription engraved there and then. I figured if anything happened to me at least you would have known I loved you." She held his face before pushing him back onto the bed.

Their gaze locked, their lips met and their search was complete. Nothing in the future would ever be as hard as the time spent away from each other. It had been a test of endurance, of survival, of determination but their reward was each other – safe and together. There were wonderful promises for the year ahead but at this moment, in time, it didn't matter. They had each other and that's all they ever needed – always and forever.

**_The end_**

_-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

**Thanks to 2Shy the Shippy for reminding me I should have posted the following information as I went…It is an eclectic little group!!!!**

**My thanks to the following artists for the songs used.**

September Donna Lewis: I Love You Always Forever  
October: Bobby 'Boris' Pickett: Monster Mash  
November: Don Henley: My Thanksgiving  
December: Jackson 5: Little Christmas Tree  
January: Abba: Happy New Year  
February: Josh Groban: February Song  
March: Cher: Starting Over  
April: Police: Every Breath You Take  
May: Bryan Adams: Everything I Do (I do it for you)  
June: Savage Garden: I Knew I Loved You  
July: Hunters & Collectors: Throw your Arms Around Me  
August: Anne Murray: Could I Have This Dance?


End file.
